YOUR FAVORITE PART.

Final Countdown

2010-05-22T05:40:00.000-07:00

A few weeks from now and I will embark on my 4th year in college. Supposedly my last year. But because of enjoying the world a little too much, I am extended for another year. So. Two more years. Two more years and then what? I don't really know. I'd be living my own life, I guess.

Looking Forward:

I have a lot of dreams actually. I want to get married and have kids. I want to work and be able to provide for my family. I want my kids to grow up knowing the most important people in my life. I want to be the most amazing mother in the world. I want to have a job that I love, a job that I will never get tired of doing. I want to learn to cook, so I can cook for the man I love and also for my kids. I want to learn to cook so we can invent recipes in our kitchen together. I want our dream house to become real.

I want to stay with you forever, Henry Mark Binahon. I want to fall asleep beside you every day of my life, and wake up in the morning with you still beside me. I want to kiss you goodnight and goodmorning. I want to make you smile every single day of your life. I want all our dreams and our plans to become true. I want to continue loving you until we're too old to remember anything except our feelings for one another.

I want my kids to become close to the kids of Aryan, Jizza, Kyel, Sam, my brods and sisses, and orgmates and Area51/Impound people. I want to stay connected with all of them. I want my children to go to UPLB where they will mature and where they will meet the love of their lives.

I want to be someone that I can be proud of.

Looking at the coming year:

It is the final countdown of most of my friends, after this year, they will be in the wild. In the real world. And while I still have two years to go, I will make the most of it, to prepare myself for whatever comes next.

They say you can't have it all. I don't know why I even bother trying.

a toast

2009-12-30T03:51:00.000-08:00

A toast to 2009: a year of many memories, of many losses and gains, of friendships and loves, a year of learning. So here's to you 2009..

Here's to haircuts and how great they make one feel.
to celebrating the first year anniversary with your boyfriend who you will later break up with.
to playing computer games with fellow amigas.
to wearing tsinelas almost all year round.
to being politically aware.
to joining protests and rallies.
to standing up and fighting for what you believe in.
to losing Area51 and transferring to Impound and realizing the true meaning of tropa.
to responsibilities.
to new found talents.
to expectations and to how one should never expect.
to break-ups and friendships still kept.
to barkada reunions.
to barkada sleepovers.
to barkada gimmicks.
to barkadas.
to MS, a group of girls who after all these years and petty fights are still always there.
(Ihsa, Irish, Kae, Aryan, Sandra, Nyka)
to the DotA Amigas, a group of unique girls who are always there for you no matter what you do, no matter who you fall for and no matter how evil your plans are.
(Aryan, Jizza, Kate, Yim)
to BESTFRIENDS.
to thinking you know who to trust.
to being betrayed.
to thinking you were in love again.
to taking summer classes.
to making new friends and enemies during the summer.
to making big decisions.
to weighing your priorities.
to joining a sorority.
to sorority girls.
to my sorority sisters and fraternity brothers: UP Theta Epsilon Sorority and Kappa Epsilon Fraternity: Thank you for a wonderful year and thank you for all the lessons.
to starting the new school year with a lot of load at once.
to parties.
to drinking.
to vices and the bonding that goes with them.
to workshops.
to secrets.
to celebrating the first anniversary of SIGNALS '08.
(Lulu, Hazelle, Kate, Lybie, Bea, Dave, Benj, Sosep, JM, Vince)
to Signals '08 and the entire UPLB DevComSoc.
to batch unity.
to walking up Forestry during midnight.
to crying over movies.
to tears and to laughter that can come at the same time but often not.
to boredom.
to travelling.
to being haggard and being pressured and still coming out alive.
to surviving.
to tanlines on arms and feet.
to failures and getting back up again.
to FALLING IN LOVE again.
to having a new boyfriend that takes care of you the best.
(Henry Mark Binahon. MISS NA KITA.)
to living away from my parents and grandparents.
to part time jobs.
to debates and to tests and to self-confidence.
to high school reunions and to reminiscing.
to sleepless nights because of too much work.
to sleepless nights just because you want to stay awake.
to learning that friendship doesn't have to be so close-distance.
to learning that you can do it if you just put your mind to it.
to having more belief in oneself and to being a person you can respect.
to respect.
to self-fulfillment and to accomplishments.
to death and how it brings people together.
to losses.
to gains.
to winning.
to losing.
to acceptance.
to friendship.
to sisterhood.
to LOVE.
to CHANGE.

to ending the year on a happy note.
to 2009.
HERE'S TO YOU.

Power. Responsibility.
(Toy Kingdom, Mall of Asia, December 2009)

the right part

2009-12-27T22:04:00.000-08:00

There's something nice about knowing that I'm not the only one who doesn't fit the part.

My Sister's Keeper

2009-12-27T19:01:00.000-08:00

This made me cry. A LOT.
WATCH IT.

Christmas :)

2009-12-26T02:46:00.001-08:00

Here's something to think about this Christmas. Hmmm.

Happy Birthday Jesus. :)

what vacation does to me

2009-12-22T18:41:00.000-08:00

What vacation does to me is horrible. I start to think a lot. I start to miss people. I get restless. Just to get this off my chest, here are the things I miss the most.

I miss the tamabayans of devcomsoc and KE/ThE.
I miss Sir JP's class.
I miss walking around campus on windy days.
I miss Monday Club.
I miss Wednesday Girls.
I miss Ministop's ice cream.
I miss foodtripping.
I miss the proven in Raymundo.
I miss sleeping in the CDC Annexes.
I miss the pressure of submitting a paper on time.
I miss Ristretto days with Jizza and Aryan.
I miss DotA days with my amigas.
I miss inuman sessions with my brods and sisses.
I miss Signals '08.
I miss the laundrygirl who does my laundry.

I miss sleeping next to you and waking up with your face being the first thing I see every morning :(

my 2009. :)

2009-12-21T22:06:00.000-08:00

Kung akala ko dati ang tanda ko na, nako. May itatanda pa pala ako. Dahil 2009 was the year I turned 18! Yes, legal na sa wakas. I thought na wala nang tatalo sa 2007 and 2008 ko. But I was wrong. Haha. Sure enough, 2009 topped the past years.

And here are the highlights of this amazing year. :)

Syempre, why not start the year with a new look? Hehe. After having my waist-length hair cut last September 2008 until above my shoulders, I went for an even shorter, even funkier and even more chic hairstyle.

Then the Baguio Field trip with my Devcomsoc Batchmates plus King and Chin was an awesome experience too. We went to see the Panagbenga festival, we sang songs in the van, we took amazing photographs and we bonded for three days straight. Haay. I will never get tired of them. :)

Winning as the College Representative for the College of Development Communication was no easy victory. Sure enough, this provided a lot of challenges for me within the year. I also became more active and more aware of issues inside and outside the campus.

Joining a sorority was something I have always wanted to do since high school. Something was always just holding me back. College came and I felt the urge even more and finally, I joined the UP Theta Epsilon Sorority. :)

Signals '08 celebrated our first anniversary as members of the UPLB DEVCOMSOC. We went to Enchanted Kingdom and had a month-long celebration filled with midnight walks and drinking escapades. :)

Making Waves 2009 and the 37th Anniversary of UPLB DEVCOMSOC was a tiring but fulfilling way to end the year. We'll always be on top of the odds. :)

Area51 closed down but we found a new place: IMPOUND. Different place, different management, but still the same best group of friends and gamers. :)

Ihsa came back for a visit but also left. But not before having some super bonding moments and talks enough to last until her next visit. :)

At syempre, 2009 was also the year I met Mr. Henry Mark Q. Binahon. Weee! Eto super highlight talaga! Hehe. Gusto niyo malaman paano ako patawanin at pasayahin? Tanong niyo siya, pero I doubt hindi niyo parin magagawa as well as he does. :) Hindi ko rin naman inexpect na magkakaboyfriend ulit ako pero diba nga, kaya dapat hindi tayo nageexpect, para may surprises tayo. :) I'm one happy girl ngayon dahil sakanya. Sorry cheeeeesy. Haha. I love you :)

Few more highlights:
*finally moving out from my grandparents' house and experiencing college life at its best. :)
*heading the Program Committee for Making Waves 2009
*a lot of ups and downs during the middle of the year but everything's still intact.
*becoming an Elder for ThE Sorority :)
*my constant weight gain and loss.haha!
*riding on a truck with my sisses plus Mark and Arjay and a bunch of strangers because the water was waist-high during Ondoy. :)))

Andami rin pala highlights ng 2009 ko. Haha. Sobra pa sa inexpect. So once again, wag nga magexpect. Haha! Pero seriously, isa ito sa pinaka eventful and dramatic years. Or maybe, parang napansin ko, as the years go by, each becomes more and more eventful.

I can't wait to see what 2010 will bring us. :)

taken during the Signals '08 Enchanted Kingdom expedition
WON'T YOU WRAP ME UP IN A DREAM WITH YOU?

out of boredom

2009-12-21T20:21:00.000-08:00

i miss blogging. i realized that just this Christmas vacation when I found myself online almost 24/7 doing nothing except Facebooking. Haha. I realized I missed blogging after 2 years. Wow. Then I thought "Why not create a new blog? Start from scratch? Since I've changed a lot, why not? New me, newer blog."

Guess what.
I chickened out.

I knew I can never update that new blog when school starts again on January. God, when I was an avid blogger with THREE blogs, was I really that bored? Did I really have nothing to do? That sucks. While now, I am probably one of the busiest girls on campus being part of the University Student Council, an academic organization and a sorority.

Maybe, just maybe, I miss blogging because deep down inside me, I am still a writer. When nothing left to do, I write. And I miss having blogs available for me to write in anytime. It's sad isn't it? Blogging used to be my life. And now, I just blog to cure my boredom.

And now. Gone is the emo template. And here now, is one of blogspot's basic templates. Why not go back to basics? :) I had the courage to delete my two blogs. I don't know why I can't delete this one. Probably just so I can always have something to hold on to.

it's over!

2008-08-03T22:52:00.000-07:00

HAHAHA!Finally!Tapos na!2nd generation Soc :)
I LOVE DEVCOMSOC! :D

wala akong masabi.

2008-07-31T11:36:00.000-07:00

grabe, after how many months, ngayon na lang ulit ako nakapagblog. and i thought i had given up on blogging. i ran out of topics, i ran out of time, i ran out of willingness to blog. still, what matters most is that right now, for the meantime, i am reunited with my blog.

so for the past three weeks, i have been a different Regina Ongkiko. Gone (for the meantime) is the Regina who spends every break time at Area51. Gone is the Regina who goes home late because of simply NOT wanting to be home. Gone is the Regina who is pretty much relaxed about everything.

for the past three weeks, I have been an applicant of the UPLB Development Communicators' Society, the org of both my parents, my cousin and their close friends. Wait, I wasn't pushed into this. Sure, the idea of joining was introduced to me by my father but the mismong decision to join was made by me. when i made that decision, i knew i'd have to sacrifice a lot of things but i was willing to do anything to be a part of this organization.

ayun. mahirap. hehe. no kidding. kahit na sabi nila na hindi daw ako mukhang haggard, oo haggard ako. ngayon lang ako nakapagpuyat ng ganto. ngayon ko lang naramdaman tong presure na to. oo, obviously i've always lived with pressure. pressure because of who my parents are, pressure because they all know me. as in. define pressure! haha.

eto pa. i realized that i had been too attached to my high school batchmates that during my first year in college, i didn't take the time to get to know my college batchmates. ngayon, dahil sa application process na to, mas nakikilala ko sila at narealize ko how much i've missed the past year.

hmmm.anu pa ba.sabi nila lahat role playing lang daw lahat to. i try to keep that in mind, pero minsan, mahirap talaga. we are challenged physically, mentally and emotionally. batch unity is tested too. tinuturuan kaming mag-assert, at panindigan ang pinaniniwalaan namin. dito sa process, tinetest lang daw talaga kami. lahat sila dumaan sa ganito, mas malala pa nung panahon nila. unfair naman kung hindi namin to maxperience. ibig sabihin hindi kami deserving. at syempre, tinuro din sa amin na hindi lahat ng gusto mo ay makukuha mo ng ganoon kadali.

pero, weird enough, kahit na mahirap, nakakapagod at minsan talaga mararamdaman mo na gusto mo na itigil to, enjoy parin siya kahit papaano eh. batch meetings every night, kwentuhan tungkol sa experiences sa araw na yun, at kahit na pagod na pagod na lahat at may mga naiyak pa, laging may mahahanap na bagay na pwedeng pagtawanan. and if you're leaning towards the quitting side, may pumipigil sayo eh. BATCHMATES MO. because we all entered this together. at dapat lahat ng sinisimulan, tinatapos. at actually, kahit na 11 na lang kami, alam namin na kaming 11 yung 11 na talagang determined at talagang makikiramay hanggang dulo.

grabe 2 days na lang. namiss ko dati kong buhay, pero hindi ako nagrregret na nagaapply ako. ang dami kong natutunan. ang daming nagbago, and most of all, i found out that i really love my ten batchmates. walang iwanan, walang samaan ng loob. lahat kami, sama sama. :)

wala.

2007-12-23T07:15:00.000-08:00

trips lang mag-update.wala namang isusulat.
mali. madame pala. madame talaga. i mean, madame akong gusto isulat pero walang nalabas. ewan ko bakit.

i guess, i got tired of explaining stuff.

college life

2007-11-11T00:05:00.001-08:00

(just for the sake of posting something.)
what my college days are made of: (7 essentials)

1) BORDO BURGERS: big burgers, reasonable prices, near area51, and a great atmosphere for bonding with friends. hmm so the burger preparation is a bit long and calls for patience, but so what? while waiting for the burgers, you can talk to your companions about anything. there's just something about the place that makes you want to stay even after you've already finished your burger. my favorite? HELLFIRE with lots and lots and lots of hotsauce! :D

2) AREA51 PARTIES: birthday parties, celebration parties, or wala lang parties. any excuse just to party and eat lots of food and hang out with the people at area51. pizza, sisig, beer, fishballs, zagu, piknik, cashew nuts, pansit, pandesal, and munchkins. we can party anytime. and as we party, we talk about dota, about acads, and basically anything. and sometimes, we even have mini-film showings of youtube videos. area51 is really a family.

3) BUKO de FRUTAS: nothing beats a huge fresh fruit salad with buko for only 49php! plus, it's just across the street from area51. spell sobrang sulit! hehe. plus it's refreshing at sobrang nakakabusog! may mango, melon, watermelon, at syempre buko. haha. aaah! tapos nung last week ko lang napansin na may lychee din pala! aaw. :( ohwell. try nyo, must-eat ito especially on super duper hot days in elbi.

4) KUYA VINCENT: we used to call him Manong Fishball, but now we know his real name. his spot is smack in front of area51. aside from being the official provider of the official fishballs, squidballs, kwekkwek, kikiam and chickenballs of area51, kuya vincent is also the local provider of coins! he's also considered to be part of the tropang area51. masayang kakwentuhan, at palagi pang may libreng fishball na dagdag!

5) DotA: not a day passes without the mention of the word "DotA". sometimes we go through a day without playing this game if we're really busy but still, the word is mentioned. when one enters the shop, you can hear these words at once : "tara, dota! scare?" boys, girls, kiddies, oldies play this cursed game. fun, addicting, yet also the reason why students cut classes, skip meals and go home late at night.

6) eLBi square: still right across area51, here one can choose from a multitude of eating places and tambayans. madalas sa Eat Sumo kami kumakaen or nagpapa-deliver na lang.usually, students who are trying to save money eat the stuff at Hot Plate, the first place you'll see when you enter the Square. hmm.anu pa ba. CRIBS, huling tambay ko dito ay summer pa. ang mahal kasi, but fun. :)

7) AMIGAS' CR SESSIONS: the perfect way to end a day full of headaches, sunburns and academics. the door at the back of area51 contains a CR, a bodega, and an ashtray. i don't smoke-i have never even tried it. only one amiga smokes, but the rest of us like to spend time inside that small room just to laugh aloud, to cry, to comfort one another and to simply talk about stuff. it doesn't matter to us if the room smells of yosi or if we're surrounded by garbage bags. this room is where we really bond.

yup. 7 essentials of my college life! to cut it short: friends, food and dota! haha! tomorrow, i'm officially going to be an OF (Old Freshman) as i pay for my tuition and get my form 5. time flies? sure does. xD

math22?

2007-10-23T21:50:00.000-07:00

i think i failed math11.
well.that's what i think.

i can't say i didn't try. i answered the workbook. i spent a lot of money on handouts.i answered the sample exams over and over again.i even asked some people to tutor me every chance i had.
i admit i was lazy at first. i had low exam scores. but i studied, and then i had higher quiz scores.

but math? i can't, don't and never will understand it.

what?i can't be good in everything.i can boast about my grade of 1 in english2 and my 1.75 in psy1. but i can never boast about my grade in math11. when i told people about it, i was smiling-laughing even. but the truth is, i am very much ashamed of it.

if ever i would have to repeat math11, ill do better. i did my best, but i guess i should do better than my best. it's math after all. and it's a thousand per unit in UP. i will save money though so my parents won't have to pay for my take 2.

i feel so stupid.there are a lot of things i can be proud of. this is not one of them.

so high school.

2007-09-29T21:16:00.000-07:00

iba.iba talaga yung feeling na nasa UPRHS ulit. siguro daw iba na yung tingin sa amin ng mga freshies. for some reason kasi, nahasa na kame ng rural. andami naming natutunan--not just academics. sa rural kame nagka-personality talaga. ang habol naman daw ng iba kaya pumunta kahapon ay ang makasama lang ulit ang batchmates. naglolokohan nga kami ng "sa lahat ng ginawa naten, akalain mo yun, naka-graduate pa tayo."

iba din kasi talaga ang simplicity and complications ng high school life.

tapos syempre, may effect din yung nasa rural talaga kami. our territory.it felt good to be back. we even reminisced a bit. yak i sound so mushy. haha. pero kahapon, nung nasa rural talaga, it felt sooo.. ewan. haha. i felt at peace. sa rural kasi nangyari ang four best years of my life. best? oo naman. high school yun eh. madaming experiences, madaming changes. we grew up in rural high.

sabi ng isa kong batchmate kahapon, nung paalis na kami ng rural nung hapon, "iba talaga dito.babalik at babalik ka parin eh."

how true. and i'm now looking forward to the sembreak. reunion na ng UPRHS Class o7! :)

it started with a game

2007-09-20T06:26:00.000-07:00

such awesome friendship. you'd never expect it started just because of some game.

carabao park, late at night. three girls sitting side by side. jizza,aryan and me. talking. about dota, about area, about guys, about girls, about memories. and then we suddenly talked about our current set of friends.

we call ourselves the DotA-amigas.mainly because we are girls, who play DotA. before summer, there were only a few girls who played this game. as usual, because guys are the rulers in this domain. so we stuck together. magyayaya. "sige, tara!" kanina, we laughed as we reminisced those days. nung wala pa kaming alam sa dota. naglalaro ng walang items. walang alam na items. hindi alam ang denies. soooo noob! harhar! :))

ngayon, the guys have accepted us as dota players. nauuso na ang mixed girls and boys pag nagdodota ngayon. adik na kame sa moneyshots and denies, and we know all about item builds. but i'm way beyond what i'm trying to say. baka mapa-lecture pa ako tungkol sa dota.haha.

anyway.all of us DotA amigas.well, we're high school batchmates. we know each other, basically but we came from different barkadas. it was DotA that brought us together. lalu na ngayong college. the DotA-amigas eLBi chapter has evolved. dati, dota lang. ngayon, it's an awesome friendship. siguro kasi palagi na kami ang magkakasama. pero ngayon, eto na siguro ang barkada ko.

when we have problems, we tell the amigas. we laugh and eat and talk with amigas. grabe. imagine. dahil lang sa DotA kaya kami naging close. at hindi basta bastang close. kakaiba eh. :) ang saya noh. haha.

just a simple game and a span of a few months and.. POOF! (it became coco crunch!haha.)

POOF! the greatest, funniest and craziest set of friends one could have. :D

my history with clothes

2007-09-14T01:37:00.000-07:00

clothes=memories

1. the shirt i wore when i first had my braces was also the same shirt i wore when my braces were taken off. yep!i had my braces for 1 year and 5 months. the shirt i wore was the faded red old navy one.

2. my black chuck taylors.my first pair. as in super worn out. super dirty with holes pa.hehe.i wear those whenever i'm not so sure about my exams that day. why? i stupidly think those shoes are lucky mainly because they've been with me during my most memorable experiences. i wore those sneakers when MS was first created, and when i got drunk and MS almost broke up. i wore those chucks during a concert two years ago. i wore those sneakers to dances, to celebrations, to grad practices, crying sessions, laughing sessions. weird right? but i think those memories are already embedded into those sneakers, thus, giving me luck. :)

3. my light blue super faded jeans with the hole sa knee. look closely, may yellow paint sa upper thigh. those were the jeans i wore the last time i drank alcohol. why the yellow paint? bumangga pa ko sa newly painted poste sa may Minute Burger.

4. yung FLAMMABLE shirt. i wore that during our batch recollection before we graduated kasi. and wala lang. yung shirt kasi is anti-drinking and anti-smoking. i remember that i ordered it because i just wanted a new shirt. but a friend told me, "wag mo susuotin yan pag nainom ka." so i had the shirt for quite a while but i never wore it. hindi pa ako worthy. kahit na i decided to stop drinking, i still didn't wear it. the recollection day was the first time i felt i had earned the right to wear that shirt. :)
**isa pa, may super memorable experience na nangyari saken while i was wearing that shirt. clue? basta. :)

5. yung black polo shirt ng FAST. mainly because, ang FAST ay all-boys club and yet, may shirt kami ni katE. plus, mejo kakaiba ang mga nangyayari sa akin tuwing suot ko ang hamak na shirt na yun. 3x na.. basta. yun. :) ito din pala yung shirt na suot ko nung nag-register ako sa UPLB last may10 at nakaranas ng medical check-up.. well, syempre hindi ko to suot habang nagmemedical check-up kasi uhm.. alam nyo na yun!lols. :D ito din yung shirt ko nung first time akong ma-involve sa isang DotA-tournament.not as a player, but as taga-hawak lang ng registration fee!waha.at least. :))

6. my red Artwork shirt na nakasulat sa harap "YOU ARE MY PORKCHOP, MY ONLY PORKCHOP." first time i saw this shirt, i fell in love with it but i didn't have the money. so nung nagkapera ako, yan ang una kong binili. and ito din yung first shirt i wore 2007. yep. december 31-january 1 ko yan suot!walang tulugan!last shirt for 2006, first for 2007.

haaay.onti pa lang yan.hehe.whenever i plan what i'm going to wear, i always end up reminiscing. i also vividly remember one time, basta one major event yun. i set aside my black chucks and put on my orange chucks--new at that time.

sabi ko "it's your turn to make some memories."

**recollection 2007. the flammable shirt, the stolen shot, the big laugh and the long hair a few months back. **

super duper delayed blog entry.

2007-08-31T20:48:00.000-07:00

super duper delayed blog entry. yes. it's super delayed because i should have written this a week ago. why? because this entry is about august 25. not 2007, but 2006. a year ago. 4th year high school.

the event that well.. literally changed eight lives. since then, we knew we'd be different. and yes, we were. hell yeah. it can't be described really, because it's weird. a lot of things have happened. we've fallen apart a lot of times, we hated each other at some point, we lied. but somehow, the good stuff still weighed more than all the bad stuff.

the surprise parties we threw for each other. the many bonding,crying,laughing sessions we had. simpleng tambay. simpleng kakain. i remember that once, we acted as if we couldn't live without the rest.

eight girls. eight different stories. one group. asan na yung group ngayon? parang hiwa-hiwalay but still intact. weird noh? college na, iba't ibang campuses. kami na nasa UPLB, minsan na lang din magkita. pero that bond that was created on the night of august 25 never really disappeared. it was really one of a kind. it was a bond created because of too much hatred and depression. depression was what brought us together. and ewan, that bond was really strong.

that's why we still celebrated our anniversary. too bad we weren't complete. but the point is, all of us held on to it. all of us held on to our bond.

MS. i really love you girls, and i really miss those times. :(

woot.

2007-08-19T23:21:00.000-07:00

woot nabuksan ko na ulit!!wahahaha!be back soon.
i'll try.
REAL soon.

home.

2007-08-03T21:23:00.000-07:00

panu pag isang araw bigla na lang magsara ang area51 at hindi na mabukas ulit?

as if that will happen.but still..

development communication

2007-07-27T23:03:00.000-07:00

judging from the following pictures, tell me. is Barangay Banyadero developed? Barangay Captain Rino Magbantay says so. what do YOU think? [this is a project in our DevCom10 class]

.

well? what do you think?

weird nanaman.

2007-07-16T07:51:00.000-07:00

it's weird, isn't it?it's weird that you can feel so happy, so content, so alive for a few hours. you think that your whole day's gonna be great just because of THAT.you think nothing can go wrong.and everyone notices that you're happy, that there's something different about the way you smile today.

..and then, suddenly.you frown,you feel as if everything good suddenly turned around and came running towards you, knocked you over and surrounded you, suffocating you.BWISET.

but that's life, diba? you can't be forever happy. there'll always be something that's gonna make you feel bad.pero xempre, there are a lot of things that will be the reasons for you to smile.balanced daw yan palagi.magiging happy ka, tapos magiging sad.eew.haha.

pero ewan.most of the time, really.i feel as if my life is anything BUT balanced.because when i'm hyper, and really really happy, sobra talaga.parang kinaen ko na lahat ng kasiyahan sa mundo.bwahaha.parang akin lahat.ganun din pag bad3p na bad3p ako.ewan ko ba.

pag badtrip ako, badtrip ako sa lahat.mahirap makahanap ng something na magpapasaya ulit sakin.weird.

college life okay naman.masaya.nung unang weeks, wala maxadong complications.ang tanga ko naman nung naisip ko na forever na ganun. syempre hinde. tina-try yata i-balance eh.kahit na ganun nga.. kahit na para sakin, never yun magiging balanced. kakaiba. yun.anu pa ba.

at first i dreaded the block meetings.ngayon i actually look forward to them.i find it funny that there are only 3 guys in our block.i like the thought that the girls in blockE1 and i get along. we're all noisy,funny and outgoing.xempre, DevCom eh.wenks.and of course, i still find it funny (and i'm not the only one) that our blockhead is this conio guy who has a car and looks super tamad but he's actually very dedicated to being out blockhead.well, dapat lang noh.he volunteered, after all.

misconceptions

2007-06-29T19:43:00.000-07:00

we learned the following this week:

1.women and men are both emotional, but women are just more expressive about their emotions. the funny thing is, the guys in our class answered that women are more emotional then men. but one of them admitted that the last time he cried was last sunday. still, don't you feel weird when you see a guy crying? haha. or maybe it's because guys and girls express their feelings differently.

2.children who have gay parents are not likely to become gay. hindi daw parents ang dahilan kung bakit nagiging gay ang isang tao. it's the environment daw.

3.people tend to pair off with people who match them in physical appearance. sad to say, but it's true. i guess it's correct that usually, appearances and nagiging basis ng mga tao. and based din dun sa appearance nila, tsaka na idedecide ng iba kung gusto pa nilang mas makilala yung taong yun.sad noh?

4.masturbation does not cause mental disorder. haha. mejo weird but our psychology teacher advises everyone to masturbate at least once every other day. :)) yebah, even girls!haha.my guy friends love to talk about this topic but i don't know a single girl who does it.haha.

5.IQ is not the only measurement of a person's intelligence. kasi daw, marami pang ibang ways para ma-measure ang galing ng isang tao. kunyari, may tao daw na plgeng nagfflunk sa school pero he's street-wise.

6.absence does not make the heart grow fonder. at first daw, cguro oo. pero time will come daw na you will forget. may limit daw eh.haaaay.and yun.i asked my friends about this and ARYAN said that "absence makes the heart forget".

ayos noh?haha.mga misconceptions nga naman.so far college life is fun.mas nagiging close ang batch namen nung high school.tuwing break time,punta na area51.haha.and that's where we feel at home. :)

WHO AM I

2007-06-23T02:47:00.000-07:00

it's our first assignment in PSY1. (psychology 1) write an essay entitled "WHO AM I?"
anu yon, parang yung sa friendster-About Me.facts about yourself.but i don't want to write just another essay na puro ganun lang.i want it to be something more... ewan. basta something more.haha.

ayoko magsulat ng tungkol sa mga paborito kong bagay, o pagkaen, o music. kasi, for me? it's just the surface. it's not who i really am. so, who am i? and this led me to think that i don't even know myself that well. sucks.

i'm a very complicated person. i talk a lot, i laugh a lot and i kid around a lot.usually i will listen to whatever anyone has to say, and sometimes i will only listen to myself. i can say one thing and think otherwise.i can laugh the whole day and cry when i go home for reasons no one knows about. everything i do has a purpose. i feel uncomfortable when friends cry in front of me because i know i can say a multitude of things but that it won't stop them from crying. i also cry easily when i'm alone. i only cry when i'm with my closest friends. maybe that means i really do choose my best friends. i hang out with a lot of people but they only know the surface.

i get bored a lot.i get frustrated a lot.i will say i forgive you, but that doesn't mean i'll forget about it.i fall in love rarely, and when i do, it's for a loooong time. i find it hard making decisions because i know i'll always end up disappointing someone. sometimes i fight for what i want, sometimes i just sit back quietly. i talk when i'm nervous but i also talk when i'm comfortable. i like challenges, and i like winning them. i know wrong from right, but that doesn't stop me from doing the wrong things.

that's me.it's still not enough, i guess. but it's not just the surface. should i pass something like that? what do you think? help me! =)

college kid

2007-06-18T18:12:00.000-07:00

yesterday was officially the start of my college life.
and.. well.being in college is different when you just graduated from UPRHS. [University of the Philippines Rural High School.]

one, because people expect more from you. two, because most of your batchmates are also in UPLB you won't have a hard time making friends. three, because you already know the campus. and four, because most college students don't like Ruralites [that's what we call students from UPRHS].

ARYAN said last week: never ko inakalang ikakahiya ko ang pagiging Ruralite ko.

i'm proud to be a Ruralite. but i hate it that the word "Ruralite" automatically brands us as notorious, over-confident and loud freaks.

yesterday during our college orientation[i'm in DevComm btw.], my seatmate asked me what high school i graduated from. i answered with "sa Rural po." and she said "ay ang yabang"

grawr.

ooh.and it is said that Ruralites have some kind of sickness wherein we don't attend block meetings.well.we'll prove that wrong.xD

a mess

2007-06-13T21:18:00.000-07:00

i actually cleaned my room yesterday.not because i wanted to, but because i had to, and they all made me do it.well, cleaning my room is really a hard task. you'll only understand what i mean when you see for yourself my room.ahaha. >:) too bad my room's all clean now.

i've been "rooming" there since 1st year high school.and no matter how many people tell me that the room is a rathole, it's okay for me since it's MY room.MY stuff.and i know where my things are.it may look disorganized to you but it's perfectly organized for me.

and yesterday, as i was cleaning it up i had to divide my stuff into groups.

*stuff to be taken to the dorm
*stuff to throw
*stuff to give away
*stuff to keep in my grandparents' house.

i had to be harsh to my things. i had to throw stuff that were useless, even though they held so many memories. i had to throw away pieces of paper that i used to draw on when i'm bored in school.sux.i had to give away stuff that were memorable, yet useless.

and it hit me.that room sort of symbolized my high school life.i filled it up at the start of 1st yr high school and now, before going to college, i'm leaving it and emptying it. that room held all the stuff i've been through during my high school life.books,notes,gifts,clothes,shoes.memories.haha and you know i'm a sucker for memories.

to most people my room is a mess.it's disorganized and stuff.
to some people,my high school life was a mess, full of stuff they didn't understand.

just like my room.

and just as i left high school, i'm now leaving that room.

***************************

btw.may dilaw pala na pakwan?!as in.yellow na watermelon. [okay in-english ko lng.haha.]
weird.

zodiac signs

2007-06-06T02:36:00.000-07:00

of course i read horoscopes. they're fun to read and always leave some sort of warning for you.especially those that say "something's gonna happen to you on the 23rd and the 16th.." stuff like that. i don't believe in horoscopes, but i have to admit that sometimes [more often than not], horoscopes and stuff concerning zodiac signs always leave me wondering.

i was born on May1. :) definitely Taurus.so far everything i've read states that Taureans are stubborn and bull-headed.

someone posted this on friendster:

TAURUS- The Cutie
most amazign kisser. Very highappeal.Love is one of a kind. Very romantic. Most caring person you willever meet! Entirely creative.Extremely random and proud of it.Freak. Stubborn. Spontaneous. Great at telling Stories. Not a Fighter, But will knock your lights out if it comes down to it. Someone you should hold onto.

..and here's what it says about people who were born in May. :)

MAY
Stubborn and hard-hearted.Strong-willed and highly motivated.Sharp Thoughts.Easily angered.Attracts others and loves attention.Deep Feelings.Beautiful physically and mentally.Firm Standpoint.Needs no Motivation.Shy towards opposite sex.Easily consoled.Systematic (left Brain).Loves to dream.Strong clairvoyance.Understanding.Sickness usually in the ear and neck.Good imagination.Good physical.Weak Breathing.Loves literature and the arts.Loves traveling.Dislike being at home.Restless.Not having many children.Hardworking.High spirited.

not having many children huh? well that's good to know.oh, and i WILL knock your lights out.

forever.

2007-06-04T21:51:00.000-07:00

okay.out of the blue i suddenly decided to blog.why?well i'm listening to my playlist and suddenly Blink182's First Date began playing.and you all know that there are lines in that song that keep on repeating.

"this may last forever, forever and ever.
let's make this last forever.
forever and ever
let's make this last forever."

of course i was singing along when the lyrics suddenly hit me. FOREVER. whattaword.
we say we want some moments to last forever. these moments are the ones that we really really treasure. but forever is an awfully long time. some say that forever means that there's no end. and besides, if a moment lasted forever, then we won't have as many memories, right?

people say "i'm going to be here for you forever.." blahblah. and then they disappear after a matter of years. in that case, their forever has ended. some of us don't really realize how powerful words are. in this case, forever.

i was reading a Chicken Soup book a long time ago and there was a cartoon there drawn by Randy Glasbergen i think. two girls talking to each other. one of them is saying "Brian told me he'd love me forever. then he told me about a Star Trek episode wherein scientists stated that forever might only last a day."

i'm not sure if those are the exact words. i'm not even sure if Brian was the name. basta it started with a B. haha. ^__^
anyway, you get my point. i think. or not.

ciao. :)

ratings

2007-06-03T07:56:00.000-07:00

on a scale of 1-10, and 10 being the highest, rate how much you are confused with people.

i rate 10.

15 weird things about me

2007-05-29T18:23:00.000-07:00

i wanted to blog but i couldn't think of anything to blog about.so i decided to do this, because i was tagged by patty.

1. i love to eat green mangoes dipped in soysauce and sugar mixed together. yum.

2. i like buying stuff that i like, even though i know i'll never use any of those.i know it's like wasting money, but that's what i do.weird.

3. i always carry a folding umbrella inside my bag but i never use it. [sometimes,when i'm with someone i let him/her use it.]

4. i don't like sweeping. [pagwawalis.] you can tell me to husk or even wax the floor or wipe the windows, and i'll do that. just don't tell me to sweep.

5. i still play sims. :)

6. i never let go of my cellphone.

7. i make my 5-year old brother and 4-year old sister watch Happy Tree Friends.mumsy says maybe that's the reason why the two of them are trying to kill each other now.

8. i like adam sandler's movies. [esp. 50 First Dates]

9. i cut my own hair.well, i used to.

10.i can be so frank sometimes, and sometimes i can really lie.

11.i like to go out even though i don't know where i'm going to go or what i'm going to do.

12.i can't say i like a song if i haven't read the lyrics yet.

13.i hate it when i'm carrying too much stuff.as much as possible, i want all of my stuff inside my bag.

14.i murder ice cream.

15.i had a hard time answering this. :D

burnout

2007-05-16T21:50:00.000-07:00

yep.super old song.by sugarfree.but i can't help it.it's been my theme song for the past days..weeks pala.last weekend nga eh, ang hilig ko mag-GM ng lyrics from that song na tlagang bumagay sa mood ko..

"dahil katulad mo, ako rin ay nagbago
di na tayo katulad ng dati.
kay bilis ng sandali.
O kay tagal kitang minahal.."

things change.i've written about it tons of times before.i've told myself over and over again that things really do change.INCLUDING me.alangan naman lahat magbabago, ako lang hinde?we all create the changes in everyone.each event that happens contributes to a change.okaaaay that sounded extremely weird.

"di na tayo katulad ng dati." hindi na nga. what happened?ay.don't answer.i know perfectly well what happened.masasagot din yun ng sumunod na lines.

"kung iisipin mo, di naman dating ganito
teka muna, teka lang.
kelan tayo nailang?
kung iisipin mo, di naman dating ganito
kay bilis kasi ng buhay.
pati tayo natangay..
O kay tagal din kitang minahal.."

"kelan tayo nailang?" pag nagkailangan na, mahirap na.kasi, parang biglang nawawala lahat.lahat ng pinagsamahan, napagusapan.. in short, all of the memories ay biglang nababalewala na lang. dahil sa "nailang." :(

so i tried to focus on other things. tawag ko dun doTa therapy. sure enough, it worked! i felt.. weird. i tried not to think too much about it and i lived freely. i enjoyed hanging out, i enjoyed writing, i enjoyed pc games, of course. theraphy nga eh. and i kept telling myself that i didn't care anymore. basta masaya ako ngaun, yun na yun. wapakels.

and then one day.. it suddenly dawned on me.i was listening to my ipod. bigla ko itong narinig. tapos..

"tinatawag kita, sinusuyo kita.
di mo man marinig.
di mo man madama.
o kay tagal din kitang mamahalin.."

i still cared. a lot. i was kidding myself by pouring all my time into other stuff, trying to forget. sure it worked, but i also realized i needed to think about it.nagkamali ako when i thought na kaya ko lang iwanan basta basta yung sitawasyon. so i thought about it. ayun. naadik ako sa burnout, na super lumang kanta na. nagGM ako ng lyrics, and a lot of people texted me saying "bakit andrama mo?"

nagreply ako sa isa in a joking manner. "minsan na nga lang ako magdrama, pagbgyan nyu na."

a friend told me over and over again: "drama mo."
sabi ko naman: "asa pa.alam nyu namang manhid ako."
and he replied: "asa ka."

sooo.anu na ngaun? i stopped sending dramatic GMs.haha.yung lyrics lang naman kasi talaga ng burnout ang gusto kong ipagpalandakan nun eh.ok na ko. i've thought about it. and yun nga, dba. I DO CARE. at..

masaya parin ako. kaya wapakels.

xD

kahit kelan talaga

2007-05-07T22:41:00.000-07:00

ugh.grabe.i have two days to find a place to stay for college.san ba ko magka-college?diba sa UPLB?and diba i've lived here for almost all my life.haha.pti nung high school.dito nga ako nakatira sa kanila lola eh.but enough is enough.ang sama ko na tlaga.my father finally decided na di na ako pwede tumira sa kanila lola.maxadu ata sila nasstress dahil sa pag-uwi ko ng late palagi.kaya ayun.it's either dorm ako [wow] or sa house ng kung sinu man.i'm working on it.i have to find my options.aaargh.

REG!!ang tanga tanga mo talaga eh!kelangan pa pala umabot sa ganto?!

oh.eto pa pala.pag wala ako nahanap within those two days, patay ako.haha.di nga.hindi ako magreregsiter sa may10, at 2nd sem na ako papasok.waaahAYOKO!Ö kaya swear, gagawin ko lahat para makapasok this sem.kaya ko to.woO!gO reg! haha. tama ba namang i-cheer ang sarili?Ü

sori sa walang kwentang post.gusto ko lang mag-post eh.wehe.

bitter 16?ahaha.

2007-05-01T05:18:00.000-07:00

yak bday ko na.haha.wala lang.dapat daw sweet 16?nyehe.panget pakinggan eh. ^^
anyway..yun.ang tanda ko na.at since bday ko naman,pwede akong mag wish kahit na hindi pa kumpleto ang 100 yellow cars at kahit na hindi ko na-hold ang breath ko pag akyat sa elevator, at kahit wala akong naapakang linya ng pedestrian lane.hehe.

gusto ko ng bagong sneakers.
gusto ko din ng bagong tsinelas.
gusto ko ng tsinelas galing sa Tribu.
gusto kong patayin ang nag-hack sa o2jam account ko.
gusto kong maglaro ng doTa ulit. [kahapon,nagdoTa ang amigas. Ü at suri sa KS teammates!]
gusto ko ng magsimula ng summer job ko.
gusto ng bahay na airconditioned. [ahaha.]
gusto ko ng UNLITXT forever.
gusto ko ng bumalik sa dati kong kulay bago kami nag-CAT.
gusto ko ng magpa-xray para sa registration ko for college.
gusto kong makita ulit si celsius. [yaak.haha.]
gusto ko pa ng pizza.
gusto ko mag-coffee blends.
gusto ko ng ice cream.[preferably coffee crumble,chocopeanut or pistacchio.]
gusto ko ng isa pang Artwork shirt.
gusto ko ng bubblegum sprite float at large fries ng McDo. :p
gusto ko tumangkad.kahit onti lang.
gusto kong mag-high school ulit with the same batchmates.
in short,gusto kong wag magtapos ang high school.

at..

gusto ko na bumalik yung.. yun. basta yun.

i did NOT want this.

2007-04-23T04:11:00.000-07:00

i didn't want this. i didn't want the crying and the arguments and the "bahala ka". i want to talk. to actually talk.tell me what you want.i'll tell you what i want and we can work things out.i just want you to take into consideration what's happening to me.i want you to listen. to actually listen, not just to nod and block what i'm saying. coz you have to hear what i've got to say. you have to.

i'm having a hard time making decisions.kasi naguguluhan na ako. hindi lang naman kasi ako, or kayo, or sila ang maaapektuhan. ang hirap. aaarrrrghhh.

two homes

2007-04-20T22:45:00.000-07:00

as all of you probably know.. i live here in eLBi [Los Baños] in my grandparents' house. my parents and siblings live in manila. it's a tough situation. really.

i miss living with them. i miss seeing them everyday, talking to them, biking around, hanging out with them. sure i love eLBi. i really really really love elbi. i mean, my friends are here, the place is wonderful, the campus is really cool. but my parents and siblings aren't here.

i guess sometimes, advantage din yung di ko sila kasama dito. that way, i get to miss them. pag nagkita kami,wow!reunion!ahaha.we can spend more time telling stories to each othr, catching up. ewan ko lang kung anu magiging relationship namin kung dun ako nakatira during high school.cguro it's part of what made us close.

but.. yun.dito ako sa yUPieLBi magkacollege. the sad part is that once again, i don't get to live with them. i don't get to see papa,mumsy,chiara,jay and bea everyday. but i get to miss them still.aaaargghh. it's tough.really. sometimes i feel as if kelangan kong pumili kung saan ba talaga.

saan nga ba?syempre gusto ko kasama ko sila.pero syempre,gusto ko din kasama ko mga katropa ko.kakaiba yung feeling eh..

1. kasama mo parents mo, pero wala kang kilalang ibang tao sa lugar.
2. at home na at home ka sa place, you know everybody, but di mo kasama pamilya mo.

oh, and my birthday's coming up!haha.NO.i'm not excited.because i don't know what i'm going to do. i want to spend time with my friends AND my family. bwiset. ahaha. guys! help me think of something! siguro i can spend the whole day with my friends tapos dinner naman with family? and after dinner siguro balik na ng manila? what do you think?

haaaay. at syempre, ang pressure ng grandparents. blahblahblah. you know the drama. i've written about it tons of times before. tough situation.

and i've been dealing with it for four years. and i'll be dealing with it still for four more years.
gudluck na lang sakin.

first of summer

2007-04-18T05:17:00.000-07:00

summer na ba?di ko pa feel eh.xempre.haha.we still go to school, we practice for our graduation,and we still have to complete the university clearance.it's weird,isn't it?that we're high school students and yet we have to have our clearance slips signed by the university.aargh.pampahirap pa eh. :c

it's also..uh..frustrating, i guess.i mean,almost everyone i know has already graduated.kami na lang ang hindi pa!asar!april27 pa.not that i'm looking forward to it.. well.ewan ko lang.

xempre,masaya ako na mamarcha ako.i failed economics during the 3rd quarter and i could tell my dad was disappointed.aba,malamang.i was the girl who brought home awards during elementary.and then when she entered high school, the good girl was gone.but, i did my best.and yun,i was able to pass econ.

anu pa ba.ayun.during the time i was gone, andaming nangyari.as in.puro complications!at least exciting.haha.but i can tell you that overall, i'm happy.

oh.i have a summer job.i'll start after grad.problem?di ata ako papayagan ng dad ko eh..

bahala na.

hmmm.

2007-04-15T06:25:00.000-07:00

hmm.i've made my decision!i'm going back to blogging.
wait lang kayo.under construction pa. :)

done.

2007-04-05T06:09:00.000-07:00

di na ko magbblog. :)

bka pag na-feel ko na lang ulit.anyway.

YM na lang.

silverpixietears.

ciao.

dot. dot. dot.

2007-02-10T22:12:00.000-08:00

...

too much is happening. goodbye for now. i don't know when i'll be back.

nawalan na ko ng gana.

status message

2007-01-06T21:55:00.000-08:00

my status message in YM today: "just when i thought everything was going right.."

and that will be my status message for the following days. i think. it just.. FITS. this past week has been great!hehe. uhm, xempre, may mga nakakainis parin sa tabi tabi.. pero overall ayos talaga.

last night was amazing. napansin ng madaming tao na ang saya saya ko. as in total hyper-mode ako nun! :) but this morning, something happened. hindi ako nagalit, or nainis. more of, nalungkot. at lalong nalito.

..it just had to happen, didn't it?! parati naman. i never get the chance to be happy for a long time..

2007

2006-12-31T19:47:00.000-08:00

2007.only thing i can think about is that i'll be graduating this year.
anyway.haha. cheers to 2007. cheers to 2006. and all the memories.

memories?what memories?

a whole lot.
what exactly happened in 2006 that made it soo.. something. ^_^

2006 was sort of like a year of beginnings, and yet it symbolizes our last year in high school.
MS was formed. loads of problems,that i thought i could just drown in alcohol.ayun.napadals ang pag-iinum.not good.

i became more rebellious towards my grandparents.
talking back more often, going out often.. and during the summer of 2006, i tried to run away. my relationship with them didn't improve a bit. i'm always out of the house, always staying out late and doing things they'd never approve of. we've had arguments, lots of them.

2006 was also a year of too much crying in this household, yet also too much partying.
yeaah.. a lot of reasons to cry, more reasons to smile.

i was grounded for the first time in my high school life.
and to think it's about to end. this year, mas naging pakawala ako. i had more flaws.

i made a lot of mistakes. i also did some things that i'm not sorry for in the least bit. yet some events that i wish never happened took place. this blog is proof of what 2006 has done to me.

what a year!impossible to describe!

and now 2007..

i never said it wasn't my fault

2006-12-16T19:54:00.000-08:00

so it's my fault.

i'm sorry.i hope you know that.i DON't want this to end.and i'm gonna do everything to fix this shit.i didn't say it was YOUR fault. i just wish you'd talk to me, tell me your side, i'll tell you mine.

i didn't say i was the victim. kung yun ang pagkakaintindi niyo, that's wrong. i'm not expecting you to apologize. WHY SHOULD YOU? you didn't do anything. it was all me, right? you were the ones who got mad at me, who talked about me, so malamng ako nga ang may kasalanan.

i was never angry at you...i never hated you. even when i tried to. i just couldn't. you told me many times that you hate me. sometimes, i answer back with "i know. i hate you too." just to even things up. but i don't know. i could never hate you. at lalo akong naffrustrate dahil dun. because even though i know you hate me sometimes, i can't hate you back!

seriously. you shouldn't apologize. I'M SORRY. you're all so important to me. ang dami na nating napagsamahan.. is this the worst?

hindi na ba pwede ayusin?

uhm.

2006-12-15T07:04:00.000-08:00

okay.

fuck.ang ayoko sa lahat pinaplastik ako.DIRETSUHIN NIYO NA KO. hehe.. why don't we go back to the way things were last year? wh don't we return to the saga of sitting on the stairsof Vega, cryin' our hearts out habang naglalabasan ng sama ng loob.

what changed? okay. fine. i changed. but you also changed. all of you. all of US. i don't know what i think.

but i don't like what's happening now.you know what i did? i just got home. 10pm.more or less. why? i went to ground zero and i drank beer. for you. for you, and also you. and you too. i drank because i'm not happy. and then our batchmates? naabutan nila akong nakalupaypay sa area51.

nahirapan daw sila gisingin ako.

no regrets. for a while, nakalimut ako. for a while, i forgot about my problems that i couldn't share..even to you and you and you. why? because you wouldn't talk to me. i mean, okay, there's that usual "hi" but other than that? i feel neglected. fuck.

ikaw, di ko na alam. sinusungitan mo na ko. ewan ko kung bakit. di ka ganyan dati, and you're one of my closest friends. i never thought magiging ganito tayo.ewan. siguro, ako na rin yung mali. nag-assume ako. nag-assume ako na pag may problem tayo, prankahan agad. ewan. i changed, you changed. may nadagdag, tapos may nabawas. tapos ganito na.

ikaw naman. minsan magkaaway, minsan hindi. nu ba yiung tawag satin? frenemies? hehe. laging nagkakaroon ng labuan, ng away, pero sa dulo, tayo ang may alam ng deepest darkest secrets ng bawat isa. eto, alam mo sa time na ito, isa ka sa mga pinaka-naapreciate ko. ewan ko kung pinaplastik mo ko.. ewan ko lang. feel ko naman hinde. tama ba ko? mali ba ko? sabihin mo naman.. para hindi ako nagmumukhang tanga.. ang sakin lang, eto. away-bati tayo. pero ewan. some things change, some things never change. pero ang alam ko, isa ka sa mga pinaka-kaclose ko, at ayokong mawala ka.

okay. you next.. damn, i appreciate you so much. kahit kelan, hindi ka approve sa mga bisyo ko pero friends parin tayo. pinrove mo yung isa kong motto na "hindi ibig sabihin na kaibigan mo ang isang tao, dapat approve ka na sa lahat ng ginagawa niya." ngayon, sa times na ito, naaapreciate din kita ng sobra. isa siguro sa mga reasons ay kasi, hindi ka nakukulong sa iisang opinyon. you're willing to look both ways. tinitingnan mo yung both sides nung argument bago mag-judge and i love you for that. at alam kong pranka ka. somehow, lagi ko iniisip na parati kang andyan. na hindi mo ko iiwan. sana tama ako..

o, ikaw naman.hehe. last year? uhm, mejo nagalit ka sakin. di ko alam kung bakit, ayoko na alamin, at di ko na balak alamin. basta ang alam ko frends tayo na parating nagkakaasaran. nag-agree tayo dun dati: na natural lang na magkaasaran ang magkakaibigan. pero i've always known you to be pranka. ewan. baka nga paranoid lang ako nowadays? but i know something's up.

you next?hehe.siguro, pinakareligious ka sa mga friends ko.at pinakasweet.sure, minsan nakakainis pag masyado kang parang bata, but you know, it's part of your charm. hehe. one thing i like so much about you. alam mo yung bonus dati sa isang exam? yung tanung na "where would you ather be at this very moment?" ang sagot mo ay "Neverland". wow.hehe.. :) isa ka rin sa mga pinakaunderstanding people.inaamin ko nainis ako sayo minsan. alam mo n yun diba? kahapon ba yun nung may shinare ako sayo na clue tungkol sa problem ko at sabi mo "hayaan mo na sila." ewan. super naapreciate kita dun. suri kung di mo gets kkung bakit. hehe. basta yun.

i'm not angry at anyone but myself.haha.pagtawanan nyo na kung gusto nyo..ewn. ang gulo tol.di ko na alam.

you know me. all of you. i was never good at making decisions. i was never good at choosing. i always wind up in trouble, in tears, or with a beer. FUCK.

girls, i love you so much.. i hope you know that.. i dont wanna lose you. or them.
they're also my friends.

hey... love you people.

why i was grounded

2006-12-07T06:24:00.000-08:00

CLICK! to find out why i was grounded!

tapos yung comment, dito ah. :)

my privacy was damned

2006-12-04T03:26:00.000-08:00

i left my so-called "ek-ek" notebook in Manila. i left it lying around.open for anybody to read. DAMN. my notebook is something that is strictly hands off, eyes off, strictly off limits in short. it's basically my offline journal, but with a few extra drawings and quotes. basically anything that pops into my mind. and basically my deepest darkest secrets that i dare not reveal to anyone.

everyone has to have secrets that are actually secrets.

when i finally realized that i had, indeed left it, i hurriedly texted my sister.
"naiwan ko diary ko.itago mo.wag basahin."

although i think she'll still read it.i mean, she probably thinks the notebook contains juicy stuff.okay i admit. if my sister left her diary around, i'd probably read it too. ^__^ hey, i'm being honest! :)

then she replied: "nabasa na nila."
i texted back: "ninu?"
then the most horrifying words: "nung dalawang katulong."

fuck life like crap!if my sister had read it, well, i'd be mad, but overall it will be okay.i tell her some secrets anyway.and besides, she's my sister.i can trust her enough not to tell anybody about anything in it. but the maids? gaaahd.

look at it this way. if my closest friends don't even know half the things written in that notebook, the maids had absolutely no right to know any of those secrets. and then my sister texted me that they were laughing their heads off. fuck them. ew. naaah. STILL.

okay.so it was my fault.i left it.haha.okay, stupid me. but i wish they didn't have to read it.i wish they just left it lying around. well.maybe not. things could have been worse.

it could've been my parents who had found it. and that's something that i... well. i don't want that to happen.

yep.lesson learned. >:) never leave my "ek-ek" notebook anywhere with people you don't trust wahaha.

oh.btw, did you know i'm grounded?until the end of this sem, i think. haha. loooooong story.

luv reg

MOVE ON

2006-11-10T05:24:00.000-08:00

intrams next week.scimath ended today.

what a sembreak.no.it's not because of the fucking scimath fair or the intrams.naah.it's because of well.. what's happening to me.to him.to her.to her.to them.to us.to him again.to everyone.

Story 1
she likes him a lot.they were actually sorta like a couple two years ago. but she got bored with him. and dumped him. now he's moved on and very happy with his new girl. and now, she wants to get back together with him. in fact, here's the truth: she wants to break them up. and if she does succeed.. know what will happen? someone will get hurt. now, she's our friend. but i don't support her decision in wanting to break them up. i don't want to see anybody get hurt.

Story 2
she wants to get back together with this guy. this guy and me..we're very close.always texting and talking, and you get the idea, right? we're not sure if he still has feelings for her. but she.. is one of my best friends. and you see the dilemma here right? i don't wanna ruin a friendship.

if they get back together, i'll get hurt but nobody has to know. if they don't get back together, she'll get hurt.. and everyone will know. and some of my friends think it's possible that we might have a "something" sooner or later. and well.. sometimes i wish there wouldn't. less conflict. less problems.

the girl in story 1 is.. selfish. i don't take that against her. i'm selfish too. we're all selfish. come on.. we all want everything going for us the way we want it. raaaayt?

irish told me i'm not selfish. she said she doesn't see anything selfish about me. but oh yes, i am. why? coz i want him. but at the same time, i wish they'd just get back together so everybody happy.

except me. but who cares?

"you know what people's problems are?" aryan said. "they care too much."

HELP me, ANYONE?

sem break

2006-10-25T17:16:00.000-07:00

sem break.the almost one month sem break.

sem break in rural is different.it's just called sem break..but we don't actually have a real break.it's always practice for intrams.. and now, physics project.ugh.

anyway, here's what got me to blog again: i might be able to spend the whole of sem break here!yay!that's an awesome opportunity to bond with my batchmates since we are..about to graduate.waah. the past sem breaks, i spent about 2 weeks in manila, since i do have to spend time with my family. :)

anyway, chiara is coming over this saturday..oh no.not that i hate her..i don't. well, not really.in fact, we're sort of learning to get along.. i mean, sometimes we're okay, most of the time we're at each other's throats. maybe because we're so alike. well, that's what people say.

they say that we're both outspoken, very stubborn and very naughty. they say that you hate someone of you're like that someone. really? maybe.. maybe not. i don't really know.

mumsy said to "enjoy the opportunity to bond as sisters". excuuuuse me. what opportunity?it's not like i'm always home. i'm rarely home. i leave in the morning, i come back at night. why? i just don't wanna be here anymore. i hate this house. i hate most of the people living here. and i can't get over the fact that lola said "uuwi na si chiara sa sabado."

NO.no freaking way. uuwi? yeah right. our home.. is in manila. ayt?

not here. not in this big ol' house with granparents who stink and people who take advantage of you.

i'd rather be anywhere than here.

La Vie Boheme!

2006-10-18T05:30:00.000-07:00

Have you watched RENT? It’s a Broadway musical that has a movie version. Anyway, that’s what our section put on for our musical. The other sections did The Wizard of Oz and Grease.

Aside from our everyday, late night practices, we had THE practice. The one that lasted the whole weekend because the presentation was this Monday.

FRIDAY
8 people slept over at my house. 6 of the 8 major characters, the technician, and a friend from the Grease section. It was fun. We didn’t really practice, sort of just bonded. Around 11pm, we went out and bought some snacks. Around 2am, some went out to buy juice and some GSM blue (gin). Then we drank. (you prolly already know I’ve got a high tolerance). It was Trish’s first time to drink outside her house. She got a lil drunk—she kept laughing and banging her head on the bunk beds. Henry got a bit high and was dancing to “Out Tonight” from the Rent Soundtrack. And he was vomiting words. Words you don’t hear everyday. Nope, not curse words—we hear THOSE everyday.and it was just so.. fun. So we slept at around 5:49am. We made arrangements to wake up at 6am to buy pandesal. There were five of us in one bed.

SATURDAY:
When I woke up, there were only two of us in the bed and Henry and Trisha were holding pandesals in front of our faces.
Henry: wow! Yung mga hindi pa lasing at chaperones” and natulog ng 1 hour! Hyper pa kasi kami ni trisha!
Reg: hindi niyo kami ginising!
Trisha: ginising naming kayo!
Henry: lahat kau mukhang isda! Si ickz mukhang suso, si Reg mukhang sapsap at si sam mukhang tilapia!

Reg: eh?wait, asan si ickz?
Ickz: andito.. hinulog mo ako sa kama eh.
Henry: ako nga muntik ko ng masubo paa ni Reg! at pano ako nagicing? Ganito. Biglang may paa na bumagsak sa dibdib ko at napaubo ako. Ang likot ni Reg!

The six of us went to Vega to pick up some of our other classmates. Kate and pat were left behind. We went o to Vega with sleepy looks, and our classmates there laughed when they saw us. Mga “mukhang bangag” daw.

Not all of our classmates showed up.. there’s still those who don’t join group activities..people who keep to themselves. So we practiced the whole day. We went to Vega for lunch and dinner. Then the boys plus kate and me donated money to buy more gin. We planned to drink it as a celebration for when the Rent practice is finally over!

SATURDAY NIGHT:
About 23 of us.

We got the spooks. No doubt, our house is haunted. We’ve always known that..this is a pretty old house anyway.

The first scare of the night:
Sam and Kiel got water. I was with them and they asked me to close the kitchen door because they were spooked out.

The second scare:
Henry entered the hall shivering and crying. He had seen a silhouette floating outside the kitchen window. The kitchen!!!

The third scare:
Popet asked someone to accompany him while taking a bath because joepau had heard three shrieks coming from the bathroom.

The fourth scare:
Sandra was pushed down the stairs by someone and her toe bled.

The fifth scare:
Kate, Kiel, Sam and I went ghost hunting. We all saw something in our van and we ran up the stairs to our front door. We were all panicking and couldn’t open the door because all our hands were there. When we reached the hall, we were sweating.

At around 12am, they watched horror movies. While Kate, sam, ickz and I (who only got an hour of sleep on Friday) slept for about 2 hours. We were each sprawled on four monoblock chairs placed side by side. We were beside the movie people and they said we looked creepy because we were all stiff and covered in white blankets.

Para daw kaming nasa morgue.

Then we practiced some more and around 3am, we brought out the drinks. Gin mixed with mango, with pineapple and with pomelo. Yum! Of course, not everybody drank. Joepau couldn’t stand still and henry was laughing at him. Henry, this time, was as annoying as hell. J kate and I divided them into two groups. Henry in one, with the people who drank only a little, and two who din’t drink any at all, and joepau in the other room with the rest.

The others slept at about 3am, but us in charge of the drinking only lay down at 4am.

SUNDAY:
We planned to wake up at 6 but woke up at 8 instead. Actually, clacla said that the last ones to wake up were kate,sam and i—the “chaperones” and the others were too shy to wake us up, since we WERE the ones who had calmed them down.

When we woke up, our set was there and we planned to paint it that day. We went to vega and ate breakfast. When I got back, cla, lara and Janine were finished painting the base paint. They left. That afternoon, henry and sam came over and we painted the set..1 door, 2 windows and 1 thing. Around 7pm, Bianca came and she bought us clubhouse sandwiches. Sarap!we even finger painted one wall of the set.. it looked like a graffiti wall with the words “Rent!” “Smoke Pot!” “Benny Sucks!” “Fight Aids!” it was a work of art.

They left the house 9.30pm.

MONDAY:
RENT! We were the second to perform and even though we had a few bloopers, the audience said it was a great performance..Especially La Vie Boheme which is about the Bohemian Life. When all the presentations were finished, we fixed up the gym and you could hear shouts of “practice daw uli!” “overnight uli!”

TUESDAY:
After classes, we felt weird. Now that the musical was over, we had nothing to do—except study for the quarterly exams which is today until Friday. Ugh. To make it short, we all missed RENT.

Try watching it. RENT by Jonathan Larson. Great story, great songs.

2 weeks. no electricity.

2006-10-11T06:48:00.000-07:00

haha. since the storm, Milenyo, last sept 28, we had no electircity. UPLB has never looked this ugly. all the trees.waah.and our school?well. let's just say na lubog siya sa putik. LITERALLY. :)

anyway. ngayon lang nagka-kuryente..so i'm back to blogging.. pero not right away. siguro next week. yun lang.haha.

HIATUS

rage of angels

2006-09-25T07:05:00.000-07:00

do you read books by sidney sheldon? well if you don't, you better start now. and if you do, high five! sideny sheldon is an amazing writer. his books are so unique, and all are bestsellers.

reviews and articles about Sidney Sheldon all say that once you read a book written by him, it's hard to put it down. it's true.

the first book i've read by him is The Other Side of Midnight. it's amazing. four main characters and two continents. an event that had the whole world watching. the main character is Noelle Page, a smart, seductive lady who got hurt and all she wants is revenge. and she does get her revenge--in a different way. another character is Constantin Demiris, a Greek tycoon who's intimidating (for me) and very, very powerful and influential.

then i read Memories of Midnight, the sequel. it was more centered on Napoleon Chotas, one of the greatest lawyers on Earth. no, really, i was amazed. i admired Chotas for his intelligence and his wit. and because Sheldon was the mastermind behind Chotas, i admired Sheldon even more.

I also read The Stars Shine Down and Tell Me Your Dreams. both books have unique heroines and plots as usual. althought Tell Me Your Dreams was a bit predictable. But the way Sidney Sheldon wrote it really captivated me.

The Sky is Falling is no doubt good, but fast paced. Master of the Game is yet another book that's hard to put down. the heroine, Kate Blackwell, was too smart. it was as if she had the world in her hands. and she does--sort of.

and the latest book i have read by him, is no doubt the best. Rage of Angels had me under its spell. it made me think, it made me feel. the heroine was Jennifer Parker, an intelligent woman. and the antagonist was Michael Moretti.

and i fell in love with Michael Moretti. okay, this sounds really silly--that i'm in love with a fictional character. but read it..i'm sure you'll be captivated by him too. and Sheldon's that good an author because he captivated me. his characters are different..and something sets them apart from all the rest.

anyway..lol.i just had to write about this because i am still in love with Michael Moretti. and i admire Sidney Sheldon because he has created such amazing stories and characters.

Three of my favorite fictional characters of all time are Michael Moretti, Napoleon Chotas and Noelle Page.

how about going to the libraray and grabbing a copy of Rage of Angels?

PIXIE ON HIATUS

2006-09-04T08:49:00.000-07:00

no, i'm not going to stop blogging temporarily. i'm just going to stop blogging in THIS blog TEMPORARILY. so don't worry, i'll be back.

in the meantime, i'll probably be updating SUGGARIOT everyday now since it's about to turn ONE year this September23. woo! i can't believe it.

so..silverpixietears will not be active for about a month--at the most.

whatta night

2006-08-26T00:00:00.000-07:00

i still think it's my fault. kasi ako ang nagyaya. how was i to know it was going to end in the way it did? i had no idea. still, i don't regret the things that happened last night-Friday.

MS. that's what we call our group. it stands for two different things that are connected to each other. we decided to go out last night. plan was to eat at LB Square.. and maybe drink a little. bonding.we like to do that, you know? just sit around and talk.

well, when we arrived at the Square, some of our guy friends decided to join us. so we drank, and ate sisig. yumm. and then.. two MS girls had to go home.. it was 8.30 by that time. then more guy friends arrived. i went to get some money. when i arrived back at the Square, only five guys were there. they bought me a 500ml bottle of Red Horse and i finished it. the hell.. anyway. i have a strong tolerance for alcohol. i stayed with them until about 9pm.. then Henry went to get me. the other MS people were at Area51 because one of the girls got drunk and was vomiting. i went with Henry to Area51 and helped the girl, Nyka, recover. She couldn't stand up but she was still concious. Aryan was also a bit drunk but she was feeling better. our batchmates who were there helped Nyka feel better. we bought her candy, water, and even coffee.

then the parents started calling. Lolo texted me. Aryan's mother was calling my cellphone and i was cancelling all the calls. boyong's father started calling. Nyka's mother started texting. so Ihsa used Area's phone to call Nkya's mother. ihsa told her mother that Nyka wasn't feeling good and will spend the night at my house. Aryan will also spend the night in my house because her parents musn't see her.. and smell her.

we began making up a story. in other words, nag-iisip ng pandahilan. this is what we came up with: someone's birthday..he treated us dinner, then Nyka had stomach cramps. Area51 was slowly emptying as we were doing this.

Jubes called his mother to come over. his mom is SO nice. she told us that what we did was wrong. but she wasn't going to tell on us. she also told me we all smelled like alcohol. then she drove me, aryan and nyka to my house. sam, jubes and kitt also came with us.

we reached the house 10pm. we told the birthday story.. and Jubes' mom just nodded. and lola didn't notice the smell of alcohol in the house. whew! buti na lang.

all of us MS girls have problems..some of us don't want to come home..and to think that "home" is supposed to be a place of comfort. but for some of us, that so called "home" could be a living hell.

i'm sure that next week, some things will change.all of us involved now has a special bond.. and a secret. a special secret known only by us.

after all, if everyone knew about it, it wouldn't be so special anymore.. right?

money and math and old ladies

2006-08-15T04:32:00.000-07:00

for those of you who don't know, i withdraw my allowance from BPI weekly.there are two BPI stations in Los Banos. one near Robinson's and one near Olivarez. I spend 6 pesos for one jeepney ride. so that's 12 pesos pero withdrawal.

this monday, i went to the BPI near Olivarez first, because the one near Robinson's has been offline since last week. so going to Olivarez, that's 6 pesos. And the BPI was offline. So, i spent 6 pesos going to the one near Robinson's just to check if it was still offline. it still was. So again, i spent 6 pesos going back to Vega.
18 pesos = no allowance.

i tried if the card would work with Landbank. unfortunately, it didn't. Luckily, i still had enough money for a jeepney ride to UPCO.
one UPCO jeepney ride = 8 pesos.

so i was pissed off and frustrated. and you know how i am when i'm mad. (see previous posts for details) i scream stuff, i go wild, and people are amused. aryan and i headed to the shed to wait for the UPCO jeep. joan, a batchmate was there. i explained my situation and broke to hysterics. i grabbed her umbrella and threw it on the floor. then i laughed. and i began saying stuff like..

"karma ba ito dahil magastos ako?"
"pano ako kakain ng lasagna??"
"kelan pa ko makakawithdraw?"
"kelan ko pa mababayaran mga utang ko?"

believe me it was a real dilemma. because, i absolutely cannot borrow money from my grandparents. because then they would think that my father isn't giving me enough to survive..i literally cannot survive without money. and besides, i was planning on watching Romeo Rocks Juliet this Friday for 80 pesos.

and then this old lady who was sitting beside me read one of my pins aloud. it read "I Said NO to Drugs But They Didn't Listen." then she said..

"You know, older people would like to get richer for the sake of the young people."

it made me think. i know my parents would love to get rich just to give me and my siblings a better life. i know they try.. i can see their effort. i know they want to make it all work out for us. you know, save up so we can move into a bigger house.

some people think i'm so rich just because they see me go inside a large house. which is, my grandparents' house. so let me get this straight.

MY GRANDPARENTS ARE SO DAMN FUCKING RICH.

and.

WE ARE NOT.

they told us last year, they'd pay for my sister's braces because my dad can't afford such things. but this year, my sister transferred schools. she's now in Manila, with the rest of the family. and because of that, my grandparents changed their minds: they're not going to pay for her braces anymore.

the fuck!i mean, if they really wanted to help, they'd pay for her braces. it wouldn't matter where she lived.

just goes to to show:

"Sometimes younger people would like to get rich so they don't have to ask money from the older people and feel worthless."

i didn't get that. ^__^

A person can say..

2006-08-09T01:52:00.000-07:00

"i'm fine.." when he/she means "i'm not okay."

"it's okay.you can stay" when he/she means "please leave me alone."

"hello.." when he/she means "please notice me.."

"go away.." when he/she means "i want you to stay.."

"how are you?" when he/she means "do you care about me?"

"i know.." when he/she means "i'm not listening to you."

"i'm leaving now..goodbye.." when he/she means "why don't you come with me?"

"he/she likes you too.." when he/she means "i like you.."

"i didn't hear you.." when he/she means "i like talking to you.."

"i can do it alone.." when he/she means "why won't you offer to help me?"

i read that only 10% of our emotions could be felt through words. so why don't people express their true feelings? most of us are embarrassed by what we feel, ashamed of admitting the truth, scared of others' reactions.. it's not wrong.. it's NATURAL.

of college and dorms

2006-08-08T04:09:00.000-07:00

i know i haven't been blogging much.. but a lot of things have been happening.as in a lot.in this house.and i can't write about those stuff and i can't tell anyone.not even those who are super close to me.i don't know..i just can't..there's something holding me back.and ihsa noticed yesterday..she asked me:

ihsa: okei ka lang?
reg: hinde..ewan.
ihsa: bakit?
reg: ewan.

it may sound lame..but 'ewan' naman talaga eh.kahit ako..sobrang naguguluhan na ko sa mga nangyayari dito.and even though it hurts that some people think i don't know when to be serious (when in fact, i do), i have to smile.i always have to smile..and i want to keep on smiling. i want to convince them--and myself, that everything's gonna be okay. coz it will be. i know it will..but just not now..

and then my friends and i started talking about college..about our first choice of campus, course, etc.. and i was silent. i was thinking: i have to pass UPDiliman..i want to pass UPDiliman.i want to study there.i want to live with my family again.i need to get away from this house. if i pass UPLB, i'll be with friends, but i'll be living in this cursed house!if i decide to get a dorm here, it won't seem right.

people will think: she has grandparents here, and yet she's in a dorm?

my dad will, once again, be the villain. but the real villains are my grandparents. and yet one time, a thought crossed my mind: i could be the villain. maybe i am the villain.

it may sound soooo petty that i dislike talking about college just because of the whole 'where-will-i-stay-and-what-will-happen' thing.. it may sound unimportant to some..

but it's very important to me.it's very complicated.especially if you're involved in the mess.and for all you know, that mess could've been created by you. fuckerness.

i'm not asking them to understand.i can't blame people if they can't understand.besides, it's not like i understand everything. when they listen to me, that's all it takes for me to be happy.

but how can they listen if i don't open up?

why don't i open up that much anymore? i think..i think i got tired of explaining the same things all over again.

okay.you probably don't understand my post.i'm not asking you to understand.reading it, that's all it takes for me to be happy.

sue me.

UPCAT

2006-08-04T16:52:00.000-07:00

sorry naman.wala akong maisip na title eh.anyway, i'll be taking the UPCAT this sunday 6.30 am.imaaaaagine that.super early and i'm a girl who's always late in school.but never mind, never mind.i'm not studying.ahaha.di naman sa kampante ako dahil ruralite ako.. but.. i don't study naman talaga.besides, the teachers said "relaaaax.."

i'm scared.why?
1.this is the only college entrance exam i'm going to take. if i fail this, saan ang bagsak ko?
2.this is my future. it will somehow detect where i will be ten years from now.

so.tomorrow.sunday morning.at least i'll be with some of my batchmates.actually, our whole batch will be taking the UPCAT in AnSci but different times. oh, and here's the interesting part. we'll be taking the test with Brent students. waaaw.haha. a super "sosyal" international school mingling with a public school.cool.

sabagay.my neighbor in Antipolo..well. nilalait niya ko because i'm not girly daw, i study in a public school, while she's always in skirts, and studies in a private school.i wanted to shove something in her face and tell her:

"oo nga.public school nga ako.eh run by UP naman kami eh.so there!"

lol.sorry for a random post.please pray for me!i want to study ClothingTech so badly..

God bless batchmates! =D IT's OVER!hehe.120 percent?kaya yan!

pati na rin kay PATTY and VINKZ!God Bless senyo!

hidden window

2006-07-31T05:55:00.000-07:00

whatever.our assignment for literature class was to divide a bond paper into four squares.the squares stand for four different windows:
1. OPEN window - know to you; and known to others
2. BLIND window - known to others; unknown to you
3. HIDDEN window - known to you; unknown to others
4. CLOSED window - unknown to you; unknown to others

i planned on not passing, but i ended up doing it anyway.i guess, because i saw everyone doing theirs.i only filled up the OPEN window and let my friends fill in the BLIND window.for the HIDDEN window, i wrote:

"yoko po.may mga bagay kasi na hindi na kelangan malaman ng mga tao tungkol sakin.akala nila kilala na nila ako pero hindi pa talaga.pero okei na sakin yung ganito.ayoko ng malaman nila, ayoko ng magbago ang tingin nila sakin."

i just hope the teacher respects my decision not to write in that window..and then..some students shared in front of the class..
and then, one of my closest friends did too.and i knew..i knew..na ako ang pinapatamaan niya.

eugs: yung ineexpect mo pag pasok mo ganun parin, pero hindi pala. tapos parang ikaw na lang yung tanga na nagho-hold on dun sa friendship niyo..

ako din naman eh..4th yr didn't turn out the way i expected it to be..i thought, having her as a classmate again after 2 years..wow.yay.i'm with one of my closest friends again!woo.i thought it was easy to balance the barkada and her.but i guess i thought wrong.i should have known it was all too good to be easy.i didn't mean to hurt her--if i did.and i think i did. but i want her to know that i'm hurt also..because she never seems to open up anymore..nakakapanghinayang lang naman. i'll talk to her. but not now. give her time to think, to cool off, time to adjust. i don't want to lose our friendship..

we may not be as close now as we were during our freshie year, but. yung mga pinagdaanan namin, yung mga napag-usapan namin, iba yun eh. she's definitely one of those friends na hindi ko malilimutan..

eugs, ako din. iba yung nangyari sa inexpect ko.. at vinavalue ko din naman friendship natin.sana alam mo yun bes. =D

love for a song

2006-07-29T20:54:00.000-07:00

aryan and i were listening to a very old song last friday:Ocean Avenue by Yellowcard.it's a pretty upbeat song but we both agreed that "it's a sad song." listen to the lyrics, listen to the way he sings. no matter now fast a song is, it can be classified as sad. and that's one of the reasons why i like Ocean Avenue.

i like a song because of:

1. the beat - i don't like slow love songs. i like bouncy songs, fast and upbeat songs. songs with a really great sound. that when you sing them, you feel great. ang sarap magwala. examples: The Suffering by Coheed and Cambria, Almost by Bowling for Soup and Basketcase by Green Day.

2. the lyrics - no matter how great the beat is.. if the lyrics suck, the song sucks too. The lyrics of Alanis are really amazing. they stick to your mind, and aryan said na lagi daw may pinapatamaan. some songs are.. parang pinilit lang isulat. but some songs come from the soul and the lyrics show just that. i also like songs that tell a story, like Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus. songs with funny lyrics also have a great impact on me, like Almost by Bowling for Soup. meanwhile, A Day Late by Anberlin is a song many people can relate to. the lyrics of Coheed are unpredictable..listen to A Favor House Atlantic, for example.

3. the way the vocalist sings - this is the reason why we defined Ocean Avenue as a sad song. listen to it well. the way the vocalist sings.. you can feel the emotions. Green Day's Billie Joe Armstrong used to sing that way too--you could see how he feels just by listening to him sing.now, he sings differently.wala na maxadong soul. The vocalist of Taking Back Sunday, Adam Lazara, really has a great impact on me. their songs are fast, upbeat, but his voice, no matter how loud, has another effect. sad, na parang nanghihinayang na ewan.

songs that completed all three requirements for me:
1. Time of Your Life by Green Day
2. A Day Late by Anberlin
3. You're so Last Summer by Taking Back Sunday
4. Dammit by Blink 182
5. Teenage Dirtbag by Wheatus
(click the titles of the songs to look at the lyrics)

lookie: PATTY CARS KEVIN ARYAN MICO

the silver pixie

2006-07-27T06:19:00.000-07:00

the silver pixie is baaaack!

surprised? so am i. i missed the old layout--the layout that somehow explained the blog url.
why silverpixietears? well, silver because i like that color. it's unique, yet simple; attention grabbing at hindi nakakasawa. pixie because i am fascinated with fairies, nymphs, and especially pixies. for me, they carry some sort of magic with them. also, in the play Peter Pan, a pixie was present in the world where children never grow up.

i dunno. now, i associate pixies to not growing up.

and finally, why tears? because crying is something i do in private. ask the people in school--they never see me cry. they don't know what goes on in my head. they see me as a happy go lucky girl, someone who always smiles.

yet, like everyone, i also know how to cry.

and so.. the silver pixie cries too.she carries joy, but deep down inside, she cries too.just like everybody else.. and she wishes she'd never have to grow up.

people think i'm so strong

2006-07-25T03:07:00.000-07:00

i can't believe i went straight home. i just needed some time alone from school and the things happening there. of the things happening to me. but actually, everyone in my batch may know who i am, may have laughed with me, or talked to me, but they don't really know who i am. people who read my blog may know me more than some of my batchmates will ever do.

some friends and i were playing a game of truth or truth yesterday using c2 bottles, since we had a 2 1/2 hour break. and a conversation suddenly started between us.

zeus: si reg? hindi ko pa nakikitang seryoso.
irish: kasi iba yung reg na nakikita niyo sa school.iba yan sa bahay.
ME: oo..konti lang ang may kilala talaga sa akin.
joepau: kilala ka naman naming lahat ah?
ME: ha?hinde. akala niyo lang. pero ang dami niyo pang di alam tungkol sakin.

funny. i'd rather have it that way. that they know me as someone who's always happy and who always makes people laugh. yet i hate it when they think i'm not serious and i don't think about.. stuff. coz i do. and i may know more than some of them. because i've experienced a lot of things that not everyone has.

i have always been able to control my feelings in school. yet today, i was ready to break down. i'm such a stupid girl. i was ready to break down, but not in school. so i went home. saang story ba yun? yung may line na "so i went home and cried." me? i went home.

but i didn't cry.

omg.remember my post dati sa sugarriot? when i laugh, i can't stop. when i cry, i can't stop. bakit ngayon--nahihirapan narin ako umiyak?

worst feelings

2006-07-20T07:54:00.000-07:00

ever felt..

..the feeling when you're in a jeepney and you can't sit comfortably. plus, you can't get your money.

..the feeling when you're at home but you're being ignored.

..the feeling when you know your work was great but it wasn't good enough for someone.so she just had to change it.

..the feeling when you know you're better than someone in a particular field but you can't replace that person because that person has the neccessary materials.

..the feeling when you wake up in the morning and look in front of the mirror and you realize that you have a huge pimple.

..the feeling when you lie down at about 12 am in bed but you know you won't be able to sleep until 2 am.

..the feeling when you know something is right, but you just don't want to do it.

..the feeling when everything is crashing--your life, and your computer, as well as your cellphone.

..the feeling when you know how to end the problem but you don't know how to start the solution? (yes, i'm talking about trigonometry.)

..the feeling when you've realized that you married your mother and killed your father. (Oedipus Rex, for Literature Class)

..the feeling when you want something so badly, and you can have it so easily, but a small something hinders you from getting it.

..the feeling when you think you've turned into a bad person and you should turn back into a good one. yet you don't want to.

..the feeling when you realize you can't talk decently to someone anymore. just because that someone doesn't think at all.

..the feeling when you know people think you don't take things seriously. but you do. and that's what hurts most.

respect is dead

2006-07-15T22:29:00.000-07:00

i really like the word respect.it means a lot to me.obviously, since i want to be respected.i mean, let's face it. everyone wants respect. and everyone needs to learn how to respect others. okay, fine. confession: sometimes i totally disrespect my granparents, but that's only because they also totally disrespect me and my father. no matter how young, how old, we all deserve respect.

sabi ng class shirt ng mahogany2005-2006: R E S P E T O

our batch wants to be respected by the freshmen and lowerclassmen. i sincerely believe we deserve that respect. the one obvious reason is : we're the seniors. duh? hehe.anu ba yan? but this post is not only about the respect our batch is looking for. this post is about respect, and respect itself. especially respect for the dead.

yup.respect for the dead.

it's my mother's 6th death anniversary today but we celebrated it last night.we woke up early today to visit her grave. i still don't know why people visit graves when there's an occasion but it's okay for me. i mean, she is my mother after all. sabi ng mga matatanda: just to pay respect daw. we just planned to leave some flowers in the mausoleum (anu ba spelling nun?).

so imagine our surprise when we reached mama's grave and found the gates wide open and the tiles broken, and the flowers gone. the padlock and chains were also gone. this sort of thing happens occasionally in most cemteries. people who have nothing else to do with their damn lives trash the graves of the people living 6 feet underground.they sell the chains and the plastic flowers that the relatives of the dead leave there. but why break the tiles? you can't sell broken tiles. was it done for fun?

or maybe it was revenge for the caretaker of mama's grave. aling linda, the caretaker really cleaned it yesterday because she knew it was mama's death anniversary.so she was surprised when she saw the place today. she then revealed to us that the other caretakers in the cemetery are her rivals. the others don't want aling linda to care for some of the graves. the others think that only they have the right to care for the mausoleums. (sori kung mali ung spelling..)

what if they were the ones who did it? anu bang napala nila sa pagsira ng grave ng isang patay na babae? wala. they did it to piss off aling linda, but we were the ones who got affected. we were the ones who felt disrespected.

oo, alam kong patay na ang nanay ko.pero ibig bang sabihin na hindi mo na pwedeng iagalang ang isang patay na nilalang? porke't ba she's 6 feet under na?

R E S P E T O

PLUGGERS: PATTY CARS ARYAN

guy bonding

2006-07-14T04:56:00.000-07:00

kakagaling ko lang ng area 51-ang "bahay" ng mga batchmates ko na lalake. dito sila naglalaro ng dota, gunbound, o2jam, counterstrike.. at kumakain din sila dito, nagchacharge ng cellphone at nagkwekwentuhan. ewan ko ba..pero kanina,parang iba yung tingin ko sa area.hindi lang basta computer shop.. parang ito na rin yung nagsisilbing bonding ng mga lalake.

guy bonding.you'll rarely see guys talking in corners and crying.i mean, yes, i know guys cry, but i think they try not to show their emotions in public places.i mean, it's like this. you'll see a girl crying more times than you'll see a guy crying. when girls fight, there's a lot of backstabbing and parinigan and things can get really nasty. someone told me that when guys fight, they just punch each other and then everything's okay. if that's true, it's one of the reasons i envy guys so much.

guy cliques.obviously, there are different cliques in school.in one corner, the jocks. in the other corner, the nerds, and so on.. pero nakita ko na may one thing in common sa kanila: their love for computer games. kaya sa area 51, lahat sila magkakasundo. lahat sila magkakalaro. setting aside of differences ata. ewan.hindi naman ako lalake eh!

BLOOPERS kanina sa area51:
*kinukulit namin ni irish yung mga naglalaro at nakikilaro na rin kami.
*napatay ako ng isang character named megaman at nagsisisigaw ako kung sino siya kasi akala ko batchmate. hindi pala. nyaaaak.
*ininterrupt ang paglalaro ko ng isang tao at nung sabi nya okei na, bigla akong nabaril.damn.

isa pang tanong na matagal na matagal ko ng pinagiisipan: ano ba talaga ang pinaguusapan ng mga lalake sa banyo nila?

PLUGGERS: MICO KEVIN KUYA RON

gambling

2006-07-11T05:09:00.000-07:00

italy won.france lost.

i got 50 pesos from ian and 25 pesos from icks.

aaah.gambling.more commonly known as pakikipagpustahan.commonly done in school.
advantages?
well.it helps us improve our grades. "pataasan!mas mababa manlilibre!"
or not. "pababaan!yung mas mababa may bente!"

i won't deny that gambling is wrong.it's also prohibited in our school and in any other school, i'm sure. but why do we keep doing it? maybe because we know it's wrong. mas may thrill daw pag ginagawa mo yung mali tapos di ka nahuhuli.

example.most parents don't allow their kids to drink alcoholic beverages. so naturally, those kids are really exhilarated when they drink alcohol without being caught. "ui nakainom ako!astig!no sweat nga eh!" unfortunately, i don't find that much thrill in drinking alcohol because my dad lets me. (oo.may future daw ako as tanggero.joke!)

sometimes i think the thrill is the reason why kids shoplift, or even steal. yun bang sa initiation?pag di sila nahuli iisipin nila ang galing galing nila. nakatatak na daw kasi sa generation ngayon na bad = cool.

i admit i curse.A LOT.i know it's wrong.so why don't i stop?
people in school curse.they also gamble.and everyone lies at least once in a while.and we all know it's wrong.so why don't we stop?

i dunno.
go figure.

PLUGGERS: FIFI CARS ARYAN

double drill day

2006-07-08T03:53:00.000-07:00

"be tough." that's what i kept on saying to myself this day since we had a double drill day sa CAT. "no matter what, don't fall out.show them you're tough."

"tough times never last but tough people do," a book states. CAT is only for a year but the need to be tough will last till i die. people say i'm strong..because i always smile,i always crack jokes and i act as if i don't give a damn to problems.but i do, and you know it. someone asked me how i can still appear happy outside. my answer? i don't really know. but i like making people happy. and that makes me happy too.

"..but i wonder if you also appear happy in your grandparents' house," someone told me. no i dont. i'm the complete opposite of who i am in school. because, as aryan said, at home, i don't need to appear strong. maybe she's right. there's no one in this house that i need to be strong for. so why try to appear strong?

at school, there're a million reasons why. i don't need other people to see me crying in some corner although that happened a few times already when i couldn't take it anymore.. i dont want them to know every single detail about my life.

cellphone quote: it's easier to smile than explain to people who will never understand."

but it's also sweet to explain to people who don't understand but they try and they want to. now those are friends!

ayokong magpapansin sa mga tao sa school.. okei na sakin na ang may alam lang ng life story ko ay ang mga taong malapit sakin. the others? they need not know.

after all.. would they care?

PLUGGER: FIFI

"naulan ng mga lab layp"

2006-07-03T03:58:00.000-07:00

this day has been too dramatic.

first i shared my "hard candy" story to ihsa and eugenia.sandra and irish will know about it tomorrow.hard candy daw sabi ni ihsa dahil pwede siyang ipadala sa candy magazine.but that story, my hard candy story was and still is something that i can't easily share to just anyone.it's something so.. different.

until today, only aryan knew about my hard candy story and that's because something happened to make me tell her.and i trust her so much too.then i told myself, "i'll tell this to the barkada one time.. maybe when they have boyfriends na." but that changed after i told ihsa and eugs.maybe i should tell the barkada because they're my friends..

i thought this could be a secret that only i will know.i guess i was wrong.maybe i told them the story because i had already let go..i want to forget it already.but it felt so hard telling them.but after i told them i felt great.. i'm glad i let them know.

and then i got to talk to some of my classmates last year and they all seem to have problems..more or less about their love lives..

quoted by ihsa kanina: "bakit ba naulan ng mga lalake ngaun?" LOLZ.

bakit nagkasabay sabay ang mga pag-unlad/pag-fade ng mga love life ng mga tao?is it because we're older?seniors na?did that have something to do with it?DAMN.we're growing up.

bullying

2006-06-30T03:10:00.000-07:00

let's talk about bullying, okay?
i've been branded as a bully since my sophomore year.i bully the lowerclassmen whom i do not like.however,now i'm in my senior year and frankly, the freshmen are nothing to me.

until today.

FUCK THEM.
we were waiting for the jeep.when it came, the freshmen went ahead of us. uhm..hello?nung 1st year po kami kahit cnung upperclassmen pinapauna namin? at ako ung last na sumakay.ang luwag dun sa isnag side!3 lang nakaupo pero lahat nakabukaka. walang umusod, putakte!at ako, being maangas, said "PWEDE UMUSOD KAYO?" at umusod naman ng kakapiranggot. feel ko kalahati lang ng kalahati ng pwet ko ang nakaupo.

so nagparinig na lang kami ng friends ko.

"ang ganda ng bubong ng jeep noh?" (roll eyes)

ARYAN: reg, nakakaupo ka?
ME: OO.
ARYAN: masikip?
ME: hinde.ang definition ko ng maluwag ay ung nakakahiga na ako.

ARYAN:reg, may tanong ako.di naman maxadong bulgar.
ME:ano?
ARYAN:pag bagong tule(circumcised) ba kelangan laging nakabukaka?
ME: OO.
ARYAN and ME: KAYA PALA.

and lots of other damn stuff.i wanted to scream dun sa isa na kapitbahay namin.. "PATI PALA BADING TINUTULIAN?"

yesterday, soccer. they were criticizing my batchmates. uhm.hello?
FRESHMEN YEAR: we beat the juniors and wound up 2nd place in soccer overall.boys and girls. SOPHOMORE YEAR: we beat the seniors and wound up 2nd place. boys and girls.
JUNIOR YEAR:we beat the freshmen with 14 goals.haha. and we wound up 2nd place sa girls and 1st place sa boys.

not to mention we were 2nd place sa cheering nung 2nd year and 1st place last year.

so bago sila mangaway, isipin muna nila kung cnu ung kinakalaban nila.
pwede lang sila manglait ng soccer skills ng batchmates ko kapag naka 3 goals sila sa Brazil.

RESPETO NAMAN DIYAN.

damn

2006-06-26T03:49:00.000-07:00

[off topic]
pahabol: june2007.
i can't believe i hated my 4th yr section so much.now i love it to death. :)
[/off topic]

damn.wala akong maisulat.nothing much going out.first week of being a senior has ended.first ever CAT is over.and wearing that freaking boknay will have to be done every week.argh.with a minumum number of 30 hair pins.gah!can you believe it?

i hate my section.well,not the people.i hate the mix.at least i'm with irish, sandra and eugs but it still isn't the same.

damn.

i hate how this is.

and.

I MISS HOW IT ALL WAS.

last year.section Molave..my favorite section.the people there were..uhm.well.we were like one big barkada.

he almost killed himself

2006-06-17T23:28:00.000-07:00

what was supposed to be a happy family day turned out to be a real SUCKER.i wanted to make my dad happy.i really did.which is why i woke up early to prepare my stuff.yes,i was preparing to go back to Laguna.my dad was a speaker in alabang.afterwards,he was gonna drop me off at my grandparents' house.

STRIKE1. fathers day and he is leaving me in Laguna.my dad has always been a family man.he wants the whole family together.and right now, because i study in UPRHS, i only spend weekends and vacations there.that's why i need to get in UPDiliman.it's so near to our house.and my dad will be happy.

my dad borrowed tita's car so the whole family will fit.well.lo and behold..what do you know?FLAT TIRE.sa may riverbanks.puteeeeeeek.so we had to call my tita to bring the Getz.me,my dad and chiara went to alabang and they dropped me off here.

STRIKE2. the other family members went home. and to think that my dad was looking forward to this day. not just because it's fathers day. eeh. he said it himself: "fathers day is just a commercial event.it shouldn't be just one day that dads are loved and honored." still.the guilt of not making him happy today.

i really love my dad.he's sobrang one of a kind.he started growing his hair last month.he said he won't cut it until Gloria resigns.^__^ he wears sandals, angklets, bracelets. he wears ethnic stuff, batik shirts. he almost had an ear pierce before he married my deceased mother but lolo is super conservative. my dad let me have four ear piercings. he lets me wear jeans with damaged hems although he doen't approve of them.i really really appreciate him.to the max.
kahit na i know..this past few months, he's been working really hard.he's going to lose his job by june30 but we're convinced everything will be okay.i still love him for who he is, and i am really grateful that he didn't quit on us.

when mama died, he locked himself in the room for two weeks.he almost comitted suicide but he didn't.that's the thing i'm most grateful for.that he didn't leave us here to rot with our evil grandparents.harhar.

"the girl with the broken smile.."

2006-05-16T02:27:00.000-07:00

"look for the girl with the broken smile,
ask her if she wants to stay a while.."

yes.i'd bet the world that you know this song.it's pretty old actually but it's been my theme song for the past few days just because of that line.my grandmother has a guideposts subscription as well as one to readers digest.anyway, Guideposts has an annual essay writing contest for teens about the trials they've experienced.lola said i should join because the prize is a full college scholarship.so i read the essays of the past winners.and i changed my mind about joining.

they lived tough lives.but their lives are now..patched up again.i mean, yeah, my life is patched up again.i mean, it's awesome that my stepmom is fabulous. that's a real blessing but the worst outcome of my mother's death was my grandparents' behavior. most of the past winners had divorced or deceased parents but no nagging grandparents. and lola told me that after i write my essay, i should show it to her before we send it. oh boy. show her an essay that contains some really bad stuff about her?not cool.so i guess i can't join.

first of all, because i don't want her to read it.second of all,it would have been better if i joined the essay without writing about granma troubles.but it said to write about troubles.and that's one of my major problems that unfortunately..still isn't over.*sigh*

and i was planning on writing about smiling despite problems, because people say that smiling is something i got from my real mom..and when i write that essay, and lola reads it, she'll think i'm living a happy life.you know i can lie.but i don't want to write an essay full of lies just so she will think i love her a lot.so i'm NOT joining.but i will write an essay.no one will ever get to read it.that's all.

and again..

"look for the girl with the broken smile,
ask her if she wants to stay a while.."

luv reg

pluggers: ARYAN,SANDRA,MICO,OSHEAN,CARS,KEVIN,ATE JO,SHE
miss ko na ang mga ito:johanna,pen,chong karlu,kimi

you won't like me when i'm mad

2006-05-15T02:58:00.000-07:00

no.i'm not mad as of this moment.in fact i'm giddy and hyper.i'm super hyper today.the long UNO game is only part of the reason why.also the fact that there's electricity is only part of it.these times come you know--when i'm so giddy. and of course, the times when i'm so mad come next.and oh boy, you won't like me when i'm mad.

my stepmom said that she'll always remember that about me--that i get mad and i do weird stuff when i get mad.one time, during grade 5, i was so pissed off at my sister.i can't remember why but i remember that the nearest room was the bathroom.i rushed into the bathroom and screamed, and pulled the shower curtain off. omg. was i shocked. was my sister scared. were my parents amused. and mad because i ruined a perfectly new shower curtain.

another time, my grandmother was giving me and my sister a lecture. but i knew it was chiara's fault. so what i did was run towards her. she was sitting in front of the computer. i pushed her. i didn't know the chair was under repair. so the seat tilted and she fell off. i was shocked at what i did. anyway, i said i was sorry. and i still couldn't believe i did that.

i throw stuff around and scream a lot when i'm angry.but after that i cool down pretty fast and i pretend the thing never happened.as of now, whenever i remember the shower curtain incident, i get amused. weird, huh?

***

i just read MICO's blogpost which was about our phone conversation last saturday. read it.it's very entertaining.and yes.it proves that girls ARE weird when they get together.

also,read ARYAN's blog to find out what we did today. and yes, i trust her. i really do. but she's right.some secrets weren't meant to be known by anyone.ever.

read SANDRA's blog too.there's a really cute poem there.she showed it to me today in her notebook during our chem exam.ahehe.

luv reg

gawd.i survived.

2006-05-14T06:44:00.000-07:00

woo.almost 3 days without electricity.i still can't believe it happened.it wasn't really that bad.because it was storming.raining hard.the wind was so..unbelievable.but i liked it.it was cold.but of course it sucked that i couldn't go online for three freaking days.but i spent the night at my cousins' place where they had electricity.woo.but in my grandma's house.freakyyy..

imagine this.3 floors.dark.terraces.sliding doors.long stairs.and candles.wooooo..
gaah.can't blog about anything decent.except i just wanted to blog about the major blackout.
better post tomorrow.i swear.

btw.anu ba tlga?ipapalabas ba ang Da Vinci Code dito?shitness tlga pag di sila pumayag.it's art.

luv reg

destiny

2006-05-11T03:19:00.000-07:00

yes, i believe in destiny.no matter how many times people have debated with me, i still believe in it.even if my teacher insisted that destiny doesn't exist, i don't care.ha!she's wrong.i know.heyy, if you don't believe in destiny,leave a comment telling me why.

i believe things will end up the way they're supposed to.i believe that everything in a person's life was planned out from the very beginning.what's meant to be will happen.it may not neccessarily end up how we want to.but that means that what we want..was not meant to be.

eh panu yung freewill? ayan.ayan ang pinaka-famous na pang-bara.pwes.may pang-bara rin aku diyan.every person has the right to make choices.what is life without choices and decisions?eh di parang di ka na rin nabuhay.this is what gets me.this is exactly what i and my other classmates who believe in destiny keep trying to tell the teacher.our choices were also destined.we were destined to make this choice..that choice, etc.

but i respect the opinions of others.i respect your decision if you don't believe in destiny. i just hope that she can respect our decision to believe in destiny.eh she keeps on saying, "wala.there's no such thing as destiny. you're wrong!" puteeeek. bahala na.

so ayun.nakausap ko si MICO nung isang araw.about his love life.hehe.sabi ko..un nga.what's meant to be will be.cguro life may not be going according to our wants right now.but i'm sure things will fall into place.or yun nga..maybe she's not the right one for you.anyway.even if she's not, the one for you will surely make you happier.. and if ever she really is the one for you, e di astig!

sabi ko rin kay DAN ung the same thing.what's meant to be will be.syempre it will hurt if it turns out that what we want..was not meant to be.

but..ayun.that's just my opinion. ikaw.oo.ikaw na ngbbsa ng blog ko ngaun. destiny or hindi? comments!amp.

luv reg

sense of humor

2006-05-10T03:20:00.000-07:00

another ARYAN-REG conversation is stuck in my mind right now.anyone who knows us in real life knows that our conversations really are..uhm..weird.and funny.in different ways.today we talked about the different types of SOH(sense of humor).

TYPE 1 - Irish and Me
ARYAN said irish and i share the same kind of SOH.we can say some uh..really unpredictable stuff.and when we ride on each other's jokes and just like to laugh a lot.
example:whenever we ride on an elevator, irish makes the puking sound.which,coming from her,sounds totally hilarious.
example:i currently have a terrible cough.kanina,i couldn't stop coughing so i turned away from irish and the others and coughed away.when i finally stopped, i said "ay, dugo.may tb na ku!" those who heard it laughed and laughed.we're weird that way.
example:we also like making up stories.algebra exam today.checking time,we were defending our answers and making up solutions that absolutely did not consist of algebraic equations.
our only difference is..uhm..i can also ride on green jokes. >.<

TYPE 2 - ARYAN
aryan is..how should i say this?sobrang pilosopo!but that what makes her funny.she also says stuff that she hears wrong.usually,when she makes a comment about something,irish and i laugh and make up jokes about it.
example:our Reading Comprehension teacher kept on insisting today that the answer was "partly true" when in fact, most of us had answered "completely true".the other two choices were "completely false" and "partly false". when ma'am said the answer was "partly true", aryan suddenly blurted out "e di partly false din un?"
example: cayle was yelling "ang sweet!" over and over again.me, being the curious type said "cnu?" and it turned out aryan heard it wrong.she blurted out, "anu?pusit?"

TYPE 3 - SANDRA
sandra is the corniest girl in the world!but we love her for it.it's part of her so-called charm. we always tease her with stuff like "sandra!joke naman dyan!" coz usually when she tells a joke, it's so CORNY that no one laughs. and then we all suddenly laugh out very loud para mainis si sandra. whenever we're bored, we always call on her to tell a corny joke which is really..uhm..corny.as in not funny but we still give our all in laughing.
example: geez!to view the corniest ever jokes, the so-called "Nevermore" jokes, please [click.]

TYPE 4 - dumb?not really!just kidding!
aaah.ito..konting tao lang ang binabagayan nito.all of us tend to do this once in a while.but some of my classmates are professionals. you never know if they're just pretending to be dumb or they're really dumb.ahaha.lolz.no examples for this.you all know what it's like.

TYPE 5 - vulgarity
they say stuff without meaning to.lolz.
example:john2x has the weirdest expressions.and sometimes, buhol-buhol ang words niya so we always tease him "tagay pa!" his usual expressions are the curse words but sometimes he can come up with some really weird ones. this afternoon, we were all quiet.the algebra exam was crap!turns out he was really frustrated and suddenly yelled out "aha!huli ka hayop!" also this morning, he yelled out, "aah!tinamaan ng kulog!"
example:gale is sobrang pranka and cute.sometimes, kung anu-anu nlng lumalabas sa isip nyan!one time during geometry period, she turned to me and said "boboink..boink.." and her laugh is also really uhm.. nakakadala!

TYPE 6 - my twin
my twin is so darn funny in a weird way.
example:aryan and i just arrived in school.she saw us and suddenly..suddenly..she hops towards us, swinging her hands and singing "tralalalala"

haha.cge.e2 muna.e2 lng napasok sa utak ku eh.punta kau sa blog ni aryan.she's also gonna write about this.i think.haha.you?what type is your sense of humor?tag me and let me know!ahaha.

lalalalala-lalaluv makes the world go round..
luv reg

half-junior and half-senior

2006-05-05T03:08:00.000-07:00

in about a month's time, i'll be a 4th year high school student.it all seems very strange.i mean,when i'll be filling out forms a month from now, the words "fourth year high school student" and the number 15 will be common.they make me seem old.

yesterday was the registration of the incoming freshies this year.it surprised me that some of them were so much smaller than me. *ay oo.alam kong hindi ako sobrang tangkad.wag niyo ng idiin, please lang!lol* and thoughts were running through my mind. stuff like "huwaw.tumangkad na rin pala ako since then!" *actually average lng naman ang height ko eh..whe..* hinde..seryoso.. stuff like "anu kayang iniisip nila pag dumadaan kami?" may respect ba? it is said that older people should be respected. one of the things i learned in UPRHS because of the famous "bullying". and yes, i was actually called a bully back in my sophomore year.oh, and also this year. anyway. anu kayang iniisip nila pag nadaan kami? o nakikita kami? natatakot na ba sila? iniisip ba nila kung magiging friends nila kami or isa sila sa mga malas na mabubully?

e2 naman iniisip ko ngaun.. "meron ba akong ibubully this year?" teka.. may word ba ibubully?or mas tama bang gamitin ang "bubulihin?" weird.

xenxa na.. hehe.. mejo high ako ngaun eh. *aah..not pertaining to height!*

crying and laughing

2006-04-06T04:34:00.000-07:00

well.year ender's over!it was really fun and even though i couldn't swim because i had my period (which sucked) i still enjoyed.in fact, i was one of the few who didn't sleep at all.we stayed up and chatted about any topic tht popped in our heads.

yes, i enjoyed.i came to the party to forget about everything.still, about one in the morning, i received a text message.and i cried.and cried.as much as i did when i ran away.and i thought i had no more tears left.god, i couldn't stop myself!i am so pathetic. and the weird thing was, i cried after i drank beer.i thought beer was supposed to help you forget problems, not make you cry like a water faucet.and to think i was one of those who drank the most.someone even had to stop me from opening another one.

but basically i enjoyed.really.no regrets.i also won Molave Hot Babe of the Year.lol.and the colored games was also cute. and what we chatted about the whole night up to morning was really.. unique.lol

i might not be able to update until may.i'm going back to manila tomorrow.i also want to.i need to escape, to get out of this house and my grandparents.i'm returning here on may 2, most probably..but please continue visiting and leaving your tags!

oh.and my birthday's on may 1 already..oh no.i'm gonna be 15.and on june,i'll be a 4th year student.

running from everything

2006-04-02T03:30:00.000-07:00

i ran away.well..i tried.i went to aryan's house and BURST!i--i'm not sure..i cried and cried and cursed and cried some more.i just needed to be somewhere else and not my grandrents' house.oh get this.after i ran away, he ran away.and he axidentally left his cellphone here.so.. no means of contacting him.. you know what?

anyway, yeah, i'm back at home.and gee, the atmosphere is boiling hot.and my lolo's sister locked her keys inside her room.it would have been funny but i won't dare laugh.they're pretty steamed at me.and him.and they're still suspecting me of helping him out.thing is, i don't really care anymore.i just want to get the hell out of this fucking house!damn.

they think they're so awesome and right about eveyrthing.they don't want to admit that they were wrong.oh, yeah.. if only they knew how they've got it all wrong.how they got me wrong..oh boy..this is gonna be some show.

somebody film it, quick!

and the story goes on..

2006-03-31T07:32:00.000-08:00

they don't believe me.but my parentss believe me.my dad says he trust me, and my stepmom told me i was doing okay.but my grandparents are a different story. *sigh* and that story sucks.
so okay.they tell everyone i did it.but i didn't.and my grandma thinks that me and him are becoming too close..that he might..influence me to do some bad stuff.but my mom(stepmom) said otherwise.she just told me to be careful.and to continue caring for him.because i might be the only one he would open up to.

i have to help him..because i don't want the oldies to do what they're planning to do.shit!they're so fucking crazy!can't they see what he needs?when i'm with him i give him a vacation from the world..i don't act like he's the bad one.we talk about other stuff.he's a good person..a good person who's really rebeling and running away soon. arrgh.

and.. in case you're curious.. it's not a love story.

what's a perfect life?

2006-03-29T06:32:00.000-08:00

i slept the whole day.well..almost the whole day.i slept on maila's couch with five more people.it was very uncomfortable but still fun.after all,it is nice when you just sit around with friends.we were also playing around with this neon-orange thing-y.we spin around on it..hmm..i guess that's why i was so sleepy.lol nah. i know the real reason why i was sleepy..and no one else knows about it.well, one person knows about it.but i won't tell you who it is anyway so what's the point in writing about it?sorry..

i wish i had a perfect life..or not.i don't really know.will i be that much happier?there are some people whom i think have a perfect life.. there was even this girl back in elementary.i envied her.i thought she had everything.but she did not.when we became close friends, i found out a lot about her.i mean..okay.they're rich,her family's complete and she's blessed with beauty and brains..but i won't go deeper into that now.. after all.. it's her story.

and my life..this life..it's my own story too.i want it to be perfect, but i know it won't be.i just have to wait and see what the ending is.

luv reg

scandalous

2006-03-28T05:05:00.000-08:00

yea.i was.i really was feeling better because nothing happened last night and i got a great amount of sleep..well..greater than the past few days.my eyes are still dropping.lol.

i like making scenes.i really do. scandalosa ako after all. one of my trademarks. and i dont usually care if others make a scene.. actually, i find it amusing.like my friend, sandra? she's the walk-out queen.. i don't blame her. when i walk out on someone, or a frustrating conversation, it's usually so they won't see me cry or hear me say something so out-of-bounds. that's just like me.. sometimes. i run from situations so i don't get hurt too much. but i know sometimes you have to face the situation.. and get hurt. that sounded weird. i know it did. anyway..

haaay.i just wish she didn't act like she thought she was better than everybody.the way she looks.. it makes you feel like a piece of dirt.. but i still like ticking her off. but not so ticked off that she'd.. well.. i can't write about it. but she made a scandal. and i hated it.. because! graaar. we can carry on without her. it won't be the same but who cares? it doesn't mean na pag wala xa, wala na.

luv reg

one day till the end

2006-03-27T05:59:00.000-08:00

one more day until it ends..until school ends, i mean..one more day and then we're.. free?not entirely..we still have our speech choir presentation(yea, the controversial one), our career fair and our peter pan presentation(it should be fun).. then again, there's the year-ender.. it was originally supposed to be this Friday, but the venue's available sa April 5 pa..and guess what.i won't be able to attend!graar. kasi naman, i thought it was this friday na, so i postponed my going back to manila..huling tawad na ung april 5 ako uuwi.shitness.

but who cares..right?i know she won't change the date and place just so i can attend.anyway,i know she doesn't like me a whole lot and it wouldn't hurt her if i won't be able to attend.anyway, aryan and i were talking about how we really love to tick her off. my classmate made a joke that if i won't attend, someone else won't attend, and if that someone won't attend, all the guys won't attend too. *guffaws* i hope that ticked her off and ruined her day, because it made mine. haha. her loss. lol but i really really would like to attend. i just wished she wasn't that biased.

oh, and here's the worst part, no one else believes she's biased.and bossy.and.. ******..

luv reg

i have to try

2006-03-24T19:42:00.000-08:00

since i was a little kid, people tell me that my smile is my trademark.i always smile.every time we pass a paper around class people write that i'm always smiling.sometimes, when i smile, i'm really happy.sometimes, i'm not.i have to smile for them.for people who feel sad. i know for a fact that when someone's sad and someone smiles at them, they at least feel a little bit better. i not only smile for them to feel better.. i also smile to help convince myself that it's all gonna work out in the end. pero, bakit sa end pa?bakit hindi pwedeng ngayon na?

aryan's right.i do worry too much about other people's problems.i can't help it.and you know something else?

it's..

it's getting harder and harder to smile.

but i have to try.

for everyone.

giving up slowly

2006-03-23T06:23:00.000-08:00

i'm going to take away all the hatred from me..i'm really really trying..i know life's not perfect..i know we learn things the hard way..and that we always go through tough times.i also know that all of us have flaws..coz nobody's perfect..we just have to accept people for who they are..it's hard, yeah, but we have to try.

and right now.. i'm trying.i'm really really trying.i'm trying to keep my mind clear from any bad thought about someone.especially if he or she is my friend.

i don't want to lose her as a friend.coz i really like her.we've gone through so much together and we have a lot of memories.no matter how much we seem to be irritated at each other at times, i know she's going to be there when i need her.she doesn't know how much she's hurt me..by taking some of my things.. but she's made me laugh more than she's hurt me.

luv reg

i never realized how much life sucked

2006-03-22T03:05:00.000-08:00

today..dfintely sucked.i'm sure it wasn't only for me.i know lots of people were having a rough day.i can't believe she knew about what we did.

she knows what we did. but she doesn't know that he was part of it.
and now my life's on the line.

why?

why did she have to enter my life?why did she have to create this mess? and why did he have to run from her? why did he have to be afraid of commitment? and why was my life the choice for these two people to enter? i don't want her know. but oh well, so she knows. i can keep on hating her. i only see her once or twice in a month anyway. but i see him.. more often. especially now that he's done something drastic and pushed me into the mess. actually, i think he and i created this mess but i'm not sure. all i know is..it's her, it's him and it's me.

i was not myself today.a lot of people noticed it.after all.. who am I? just a happy face..with a smile ready to share. and slowly, i'm hating more and more people.

in neverland..

2006-03-20T05:38:00.000-08:00

in Neverland, children never grow up.they don't have to worry about things..things that we're worrying about now.oldies keep on saying that i'm starting to grow up.maybe i am.my batchmates and i are on the brink of growing up.and now..during the peter pan practices, i realized..i don't wanna grow up!

it's a lot more fun to run around like little kids.it's fun to think of nothing except the great time you're having with your friends. when you have nothing to worry about..things like homework, or grades, or parents, or grandparents in my case.. i like going back to childhood days..no worries..just playtime everyday.. but i know.. all children grow up.

except for one.

peter pan. :(

me alone

2006-03-19T02:51:00.000-08:00

my sister went home to antipolo, leaving me behind.not that i'm making a big thing about it, but i really really wanted to go.and i didn't go because of the damn speech choir.hey..okay, i'm complaining.but i guess it won't do much, coz the speech choir is our quarterly exam in literature.i'd rather do it than take a written periodical. and everyone knows that ma'am gaffud's exams are tough. i spent the day at my cousins' house, which used to be our house.but that's a long story.anyway,we watched TV and just chatted.we like to do that.and my older cousin put some nailpolish on my feet.lol ^_^

about the speech choir.. i like the others' ideas better. and i really wanted to tell her that.but would she listen? of course she won't. what a shame. coz i really was starting to like her sincerely and then she had to go back to her betterthanthou act. i wish she'd just stop thinking like she's better than everyone. just because she doesn't curse or drink. i found out about that when alex brought a canned beer and i just took a little sip from it. well. i can't blame her. because drinking is a bad habit. but not drinking (or cursing) won't make her better than any of us.

luv reg

ever get the feeling that..

2006-03-18T02:00:00.000-08:00

ever get the feeling that you're excluded? well..it's not awesome. i dont want to admit it but..well..i feel more and more excluded every day.people don't notice it, i'm sure.they know me as the one who always laughs and talks to people.but i feel excluded.

ever get the feeling that you're being replaced? it sucks like hell. especially if the person they're replacing you with is someone that..uhm..how should i say this..someone that you like created..someone you helped to replace you?nuh-uh.not right.

but those two feelings are what i'm feeling for the past days.

luv reg

promises and such

2006-03-16T05:42:00.000-08:00

i can't keep promises, huh? i said this blog would be clean. i'm still thinking about it. maybe not. i can really write some lame stuff here.

i added him sa YM kanina.. him.. yup.. my.. past. if we talk about him, i doubt i can bury the past.coz i can't. i can't bury him, literally and figuratively. i sure cant. coz i can't forget about him. and there's a part in me that doesn't want to forget him. another part is saying that.. we might end up together still. as far-fetched as that might be. yet we might. and yet, it can be uhm..some other guy i could end up with. our teacher said to "collect and select". i don't believe in that. i also don't believe the saying that goes, "if you know someone by name, that person is your responsiblity." i mean, hello?? wtf.

ooh.first curse word in this blog. i doubt i can keep this blog clean. but it can be cleaner than my other two.

luv reg

dreams

2006-03-15T02:18:00.000-08:00

have you watched the movie The Adventures of Sharkboy and Lava Girl 3D? well. you should. it's so awesome even though it's about elemetary days..and so much more..it's also about dreams. yep.dreams.

everything that is or was began with a dream. -lavagirl
don't smash others' dreams..because you'll smash your own and then you'll stop believing. -max

dream a better dream. then work to make it real. -max

i am so attracted to songs and movies and poems that have to do with dreams.i don't know why..i just get attracted to them..i find dreams and understanding dreams absolutely fascinating!=)

luv reg

let the dead past bury its dead

2006-03-14T04:08:00.000-08:00

yup.that's a line from The Psalm Of Life, one of the poems we discussed in our Literature class today. okay.. first entry ever..and this entry is going to be all about WHY i created this new blog.my fifth i think..i have a lot of blogs but only two i really update.this is gonna be the third.

i created this blog because.. well.. because i decided to "let the dead past bury the its dead." sorta like that.. see.. something happened today.. something that made me write an entry in my main blog and create this blog.. i don't hate-hate those people now. only now and then i get irritated and annoyed at them. so i wrote some MAJOR clarifications in my blog.

anyway, here's the basic laydown on my blogs: (you can click on them..lol)

*http://www.sugarriot.blogdrive.com - my main blog..and obviously my first. i have the most friends here and i write almost anything. but still, there are some things that i can't spread..so basically i can't write it in this blog.coz many people read it, they can be affected. trust me, it's happened already, and not just once. and no, not just twice either. i prefer to be quiet about it though. =)

*http://www.daughterofrageandlove.blogspot.com - my angry blog.haha..i write stuff here that i can't write in my main blog..i know people read this, but i think they know enough to keep quiet about the stuff here.

*http://www.silverpixietears.blogspot.com - this one..i guess this blog won't hold too much hatred and anger.i'll try to keep this clean..IF I CAN..maybe post my designs here..if you like..

luv reg